Pasty Festival

Celebrating the Solstice? Forget travelling to Stonehenge and getting up at the crack of dawn to witness a grey cloudy start to the longest day. Join me in a celebration of English Summer Festivals

Glastonbury

Glastonbury promises to be a delight for all of us not going. I'm really looking forward to the news clips of arrssey young professionals sliding around in swamps, recounting their tales of Trenchfoot and Pnuemonia. Mr Eavis and the Bands will look on, tapping their brimming pockets while the least free/hippy folk in Britain fail to recreate any spirit of Woodstock and festivals as they were intended to be.

Pastival

The postponed Pasty Festival is now due to "happen" this weekend.

There should be live bands - rumour has it that the Worzels AND a tribute to them - The Wazzles will be Oh Arr'in it large and much cider sloshing and belated wassailing shall be done.

Cookery Demonstrations by celebrity small holder look-a-likey Hugh Fern-Lee HhitterTwit will run during the afternoon. Hugh assured me that he will refrain from his usual practice of charging extortionaate prices for foods he prepares as he does "very well thank you" from his appearance fees opening refurbished MacDonalds.

The highlight of the festival has to be the much anticipates Pasty Off. Ginsters, whose offer to sponsor the event was flatly refused, have thrown down the Gauntlet at the feet of Greggs the Bakers.

The contest will run the duration of the event with all welcome to munch and vote for their "high street pasty of choice" and the winner shall be announced before Songs of Praise on Sunday evening - we'll all need to get some much needed shut-eye as it's a schoolnight.

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