Posted in July 2008

Subway Melt - Unpleasant Stink in the Office

Source: Kim Mutton
Monday 28th July 2008, 10:22am

It took well over an hour for the Subway Melt stench to disappear.

Take Away Food - Munch it Elsewhere

Its the last Monday in July and following a sublime weekend of nothing but lazing around in the sunshine, recharging the batteries I had an early start to the day - all is well....until....

9:10am and a disgusting waft of fast food fills the workspace. A colleague immediately remarks that its "stinky" and windows are opened but nothing seems to be able to rid the place of the dreadful pong - far worse than this report that "something stinks"

Apparantly the culprit has picked up a Subway Melt - including onions - how thoughtful - and brought it into work to munch. It has a stench of yesterdays picnic leftovers that have sweated overnight in a polythene bag.

Bring in a food hamper - go the whole hog

Some of us make time for breakfast before leaving the house for work. The thought of stopping off for a Subway Melt

Any more of this and I'll bring in a bowl of last nights kedgeree and rehaeat it for all to enjoy.

Give an inch - smell it a mile away

I blame the company. Not so long ago in an effort to cheer the troops it was announced that Friday would be Bacon Butty Friday and a good hour or two would be spent chasing the requests for hot pig meat nourishment.

Pasty Denied!

Of course this then provoked further discsussion. I obviously asked for a pasty but was told they had none (I suspect this not to be true and I was being penalised for "thinking outside the breakfast box"). The veggies began to order cheese rolls and I thought that it would be fair to ask for a chicken and avacardo salad baguette which I could hold over until lunch. This I was told, was not an option!

Fresh Fruit or a Smoothie?

There was a time when good quality fresh fruit was freely available for workers to satisfy their nibblings and help to prevent high blood pressure by going down the healthy five-a-day route. However the appearance of fruit is infrequent which is a shame - our research team has just compiled a how to choose a Smoothie Maker guide so we could make our own healthy fruit drinks.

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Wurzels Scandal - Ant and Dec branded "Dirty Pair"

Source: Kim Mutton
Friday 4th July 2008, 5:14pm

The lovely straw chewin' Wurzles fight more scandal allegations following Ant and Dec's Dirty Pair outrageous exploits.

Devon Pasty Munchers were delighted to hear that once again the Wurzels would be playing live during the summer. Only a few months since the Wurzels played a gig in Exeter the South West's finest beet combo are back in the county ready to blow the roof off Exmouth Pavillions.

The concert comes as some releif following the past few turbulentmonths which have seen allegations about the Wurzels range from them not drinking real cider during their act, their smocks being hand made in far east sweatshops and the appalling story about meeting a fake fan after being set up on Ant and Decs "Dirty Pair on Saturday Night"

Ant and Dec - Dirty Pair

Some might say that the accustion that Ant and Dec are a dirty pair of broadcasters is unfair however a report in the Daily Mail suggestes that with their history of deception and duping viewers with extortion methods such as bogus competitions and premium rate phone in scams the lable Dirty Pair is a no nonsense representation.

Deloitte found that the Dirty Pair's Takeaway was one of three shows which conned viewers out of £7.8million in premium-rate phone charges through rigged competition.

Recruitment of a fake fan

Well we've heard of fake tan but a fake fan?? It appears that the hilarious spoof of Jim'll Fix It was to arrange for a fan's dream to come true - meet the legendary Wurzels on live tv and crack the classic "arr the missus she likes a nice bit of pork in cider" gag.

However when the ungrateful and down right rude fan failed to turn up the tv show production team was in a spin - until "somebody" suggested they recruit "another fan" at the last minute. This bogus fan had recently worked with the Wurzels and was no stranger to the cow-muck singalongs they perform, nor did he mind being squashed between the Dirty Pair during the show.

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