When Can I Sleep Please? Oh, And More About The Whales....

When I created maintenance plans for fleets of helicopters, and by some fluke it worked out just according to prediction, we used to say "It's not good luck, it's good planning". We used to say that a lot actually, because our plans were the bees-knees. And to pinch a phrase from golfing legend Arnold Palmer (ask yer dad), "It's a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get." Aye, them were reet good plans tha knows.

Actually, departing on a tangent, I want to mention a little more about my time as Support Helicopter Fleet Planner (wooooooo!). One of my best achievements during 21 years in the RAF was the production of the fleet plan for the newly-introduced Merlin helicopters. We'd known they were coming for a while, but it was a shock one Friday when our boss said "We need the fleet plan by Wednesday, we're getting 22 Merlins, get cracking." O.....K..... No other information was available, no delivery dates, no maintenance details such as how long each servicing would take, what flying hour intervals they would be carried out at, nothing. So me and my corporal (there were only 2 of us in Fleet Planning at the time, this was expanded to 6 later when the size of the task became clearer) got to work, and had a passable first draft done by Monday. We had to make up SO MUCH stuff, that to cover our asses we called the second page of the plan "Assumptions" and listed all the factors we had basically guessed at. Anyway, the point being, that several of our assumptions are STILL in the plan, 6 years and a ton of factual data later. It's true, if you say something often enough, and with enough conviction, it becomes a FACT. It's not good luck, it's good planning.

So, right now, I can only describe my life as "It's not bad luck, it's bad planning". Today started at 5.05 am, got home from cleaning and a brief excursion into town (Yes Mister Natwest, I KNOW I'm broke), picked Sam up at half three, took him back at half six. Straight to Samaritans committee meeting which lasted to just about 8, and now I'm waiting to start a nightshift there from 10 tonight until 2 tomorrow morning.......and THEN up at 5.05 again for cleaning! I'm looking forward to seeing Sam again tomorrow afternoon but I also have to admit I cannot bloody wait to hit the hay tomorrow, probably about 8 o'clock! Bad planning. Got loads of stuff on for the rest of the week too so I have to make the most of tomorrow night for sleep. Sad news that my alcohol counsellor has personal life problems and is off until the end of July. I feel very sorry for him as he's a lovely bloke. I am also worried how I am going to keep to the twice a week drinking for a month with no support. I just have to do it.

And so to the whales. I was discussing it with Obersturmbahnfuhrer Keinhaar this morning, who thought it was a good idea but what would I do with all the whales? I suggested landfill, but that would smell, so I came up with the perfect solution - Ebay! You'd probably get a few quid per whale, but you'd have to include the clause "buyer pays postage" or you'd be on a loser. It would need a lot of bubble wrap too. Alternatively I plan to hijack the "Say It With Flowers" ad campaign, and instead promote "Say It With A Whale". The ideal way to express heartfelt sentiments in a memorable way, you tell us the message and species of whale you want, we'll stencil your words on the whale's back and deliver it in person. If this doesn't appeal, feel free to try my Whale In The Mail offer. OSBF Ribbands came up with a different way to reduce the sea level - scrape a metre from the bottom of all water masses around the globe and deposit the scrapings in scantly inhabited crapholes, such as Greenland, The Outback, or Wisbech.

The Kyoto Treaty took weeks to work out, and still isn't working, yet we solved a MAJOR environmental problem in a matter of minutes. Just call me Eddie Green Sox!

Subscriptions

Recent Entries

Bloggers

Archive

When Can I Sleep Please? Oh, And More About The Whales....

Spread the Word