No Title Really

Thinking about my mate's suicide, I feel angry, sad, and confused. I'm angry that she killed herself (selfish blonde cow!!! lol), and also angry I didn't do more before she died, like emailling, texting etc. Obviously sad because I will never see a friend, ever, again. Confused about why it happened, and will never know, there were no letters or notes, so it's a mystery. I really wish I had kept in touch more, admittedly it was emails and texts usually, but even that dried up in the last few months. Seems that during that time she was going through a personal hell, and I didn't know, or even try to find out.

What I have realised is that friends, no matter how tenuous, are worth keeping. So from today, I will be emailling a mate every day, just to say hello, how are you.

Lots of strong emotions, but the biggest one being regret that a lovely young lady is not with us any more. That is sad.

Otherwise, feeling positive. The gym went well today. Had a fantastic conversation with Sam tonight before his bedtime. I have friends, and a caring family.

Although I usually think my life is rubbish, I suddenly see - again - that it is "a life". I'm lucky to have it, and so are you, if you're reading. What a privilege we have. Here to enjoy it for 70/80 odd years. Which brings me back to the subject.

"Carpe diem" I used to say to L, when she was moaning about her love life. "Should I ask him out?" etc. "Should I go for cleavage or bum?". If you like him, just say so, I'd say. She ALWAYS asked what "carpe diem" meant, every time.

Love ya L. Look after your family if you can, wherever you may be.

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