Posted in June 2007

King's Lynn Getting Above Itself?

Source: Eddie2sox
Thursday 28th June 2007, 7:57pm

Check out the picture. The Vancouver shopping centre has been re-branded as The Vancouver Quarter!

But this is King's Lynn, a small town at the arse end of Norfolk. It's hardly comparable with the Latin Quarter, the area surrounding The Sorbonne in Paris!

And I'd like to know what the other three quarters are called? My guess is:

The Lithuanian Quarter.

The Not In My Back Yard Quarter.

The New, Brightly-Coloured, "Next Hillingdon" Quarter.

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Walks Development - 28 Jun 07

Source: Eddie2sox
Thursday 28th June 2007, 7:52pm

The wooden roof supports are going on.....

More walls have been added. Extra paths are being put in place (see Saturday's blog). I wonder how much this crappy weather is slowing the builders down?

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Thursday 12 July - Where Shall I Go?

Source: Eddie2sox
Wednesday 27th June 2007, 7:44pm

It's time I went a-roving and reporting again.....

One of my favourite blogs was the one on 9 April this year, where I reproduced, word for word, the account of my visit to a beer festival which I wrote throughout the day in a trusty reporters notebook. I enjoyed it so much that I am going to do it again, hurrah!

The day for this trip is Thursday 12 July, my day off is booked, and I'm ready to roll.....but where? I thought I'd leave that up to anyone who wants to make a suggestion. Obviously somewhere that is linked to KL by regular public transport is the first consideration. It has to have several pubs. Maybe a couple of interesting things to look at or do. My shortlist is thus:

1. Hunstanton

2. Spalding.

3. March.

4. Fakenham.

5. Ely.

Feel free to influence my choice, I'll make a decision next Wednesday, thanks!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Crap Parking League X

Source: Eddie2sox
Wednesday 27th June 2007, 2:20pm

The first submission by a roving reporter! Snapped in Scotland, this overseas motor looks like it was parked by a 4 year old.....

The thing is I am not sure what type of car this is? Looks like a Rover, but can any car experts confirm what breed of Rover it is?

Table:

New Shape Mini.....3

VW Bora.....1.5

Vauxhall Vectra.....1.5

Honda Civic.....1

Vauxhall Corsa.....1

Vauxhall Combo van.....1

VW Golf.....1

Peugeot 206.....1

Mystery Rover.....1

Hands Across The Internet!

Had a lovely email from Martin Dobson, who runs a website dedicated to crap parking! He invited me to submit some of our pics and have a link to my blog included on the website, bobby dazzler, cheers! The website contains some truly fantastic examples, my favourite is the Smart car (yes, the Smart car), find it here. Recommended viewing!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Yawn,,,,,Getting Up Time Already?

Source: Eddie2sox
Monday 25th June 2007, 5:22am

Well that was possibly one of the best bad night's sleep I've ever had!

Last night I was determined to stay awake to see The View who were on the bill at Glastonbury yesterday. Come 1230 a.m. the Beeb finally decided to show their set - well, I say their set, it was actually ONLY one song, Superstart Tradesman. Dammit! It was a good watch though, Jo Whiley looking cute in a silk print blue dress and sipping JD and coke live on telly, and Marc Radcliffe wearing mud-covered wellies and jeans swilling a pint of lager. Lucky devils, getting paid for that too!

So I got to bed just before one, was still awake AT LEAST til 3, up again at 5.05. Yet I wasn't bothered about being awake, I was kind of content with it, and I don't know why. How peculiar.

Today will be a good day:

1. When it's over there won't be another Monday for 7 days.

2. GOBs meet for the first time this evening.

3. We must surely be one day closer to the end of the rain?

Have a nice Monday!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

The King Of Cheapskates!

Source: Eddie2sox
Sunday 24th June 2007, 10:58pm

That's me. If there's a 2-for-1 offer, a voucher for this, a coupon for that, I'm there....

Since I was redundancied out of the RAF I've become somewhat more circumspect with my money. Even more so these days. So I have become an absolute expert in the art of money-saving offers etc. A few examples (like all of my blog, boring to read, but hey, it's my life!):

Tesco Free Day Out vouchers: Tesco, much as you all seem to hate them, had a week when they gave away vouchers for a few big day out venues such as Legoland, London Dungeon etc. More pertinent for me and Sam, Sealife Centres, such as the one at Hunstanton. Pay for one, get one free.

Dinosaur Adventure: As I previously blogged, we LOVED Dinoland. I filled in their customer satisfaction questionnaire in glowing terms, hey presto two complimentary tickets turn up!

Billy Smart's Circus: Got hold of two "Half Price Vouchers" by keeping my eyes open! I asked Sam's mummy if they would be taking Sam but she said it was after Sam's bedtime. Eh? So tomorrow I will be heading straight to the box office at West Winch to purchase cheap, good tickets for a 2 pm Saturday performance.

Early Learning Centre: Got a BOOKLOAD of vouchers for free manicures, health spa days, you name it. Not interested myself, so I've put them up as a prize on another website I frequent, someone will appreciate them!

Lovely jubbly! I have NO qualms at all about exploiting these offers etc!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Thursday, Friday, Saturday....Sunday!

Source: Eddie2sox
Sunday 24th June 2007, 9:30am

I haven't really posted an update of my humdrum life for ages have I. I know I have thousands (!!) of readers hooked on my every sneeze/fart/tantrum etc, so here's what's been happening....

Thursday

Thursday is often a blank canvas for me, work ends at 12 so the afternoon and evening stretch ahead with endless possibilities for travel, adventure, exploration, or more usually than not the Grumpy Old Men's club in the Woolpack. This week somewhat different! There are few better pastimes than people-watching, over a nice coffee, even better when shared with a foxy chick. Thursday afternoon I enjoyed the "even better" option, ding dong! Two hours whizzed past which is always a positive sign, and then homeward.

I was late on parade for GOM Club. I'd missed out on a conversation about pubic hair, but was filled in on the way that several people present "styled" their short and curlies, too much information even for me. The info about LML was interesting though! Bwana Gypsy Rose Stewart was in a state about his court case for speeding in Leicester, due the next day, there's little calming him when he gets in a tiz. On the other side of the coin, Barney was in almost carnival mood after HIS court case for speeding turned out very nicely. I'd spotted him in a TERRIBLE state in the Woolie on Monday, and he confessed that he HAD been in bits and wishes he'd talked to me about it at the time instead of acting all blokey. Next time old fella. He turned into an angry mood when I told him about the nursing rejection, bless him. "But you do all that **** in here all the time already!" Yes mate, that doesn't cut much ice at UEA though unfortunately.

Thursday evening was when the Press were coming to take pics and get the story of the Charity Pool Tournament of last Bank Holiday. Martin Sale, the Samaritans head fund-raiser, turned up as their rep and we exchanged pleasantries, but I refused to be in any of the photos. All I did was have a good afternoon in the pub and write the scores on the doors. Hopefully they'll be in the paper next week.

Friday

Work went just fine, visit to my CADS counsellor was good too. Still VERY happy that I only drink twice a week, despite the nursing knockback. That was a big encouragement. Picked Sam up and this was the first week we broke the chip butty habit. Introduced by Sam's mummy when she first moved to KL, mainly because it was easy and there was a chip shop 15 metres from her front door, it was well past it's sell-by date. It's a nice idea but not very healthy every single week. So Sam had a banana, funny shape ham sandwiches and an apple for tea, without a single word of complaint. Before that we went to collect my wages from the Woolpack (as described in an earlier thread "Grrrrr!"). Bedtime went very nicely as always, possibly my favourite part of the whole week - watching my special little boy drift off to sleep makes me feel so lucky. Friday night was intended as an early night. but I got hooked into watching Glasto live, waiting for the Arctic Monkeys set, and ended up MSN-ing with the foxy coffee shop chick til well after midnight, doh!

Saturday Morning

Sam slept in his own bed until nearly 7, which is unheard of, but obviously forgot to tell his bladder he was having a lie-in as he woke up in a bit of a puddle. Never mind mate, it doesn't matter, we'll just get those soggy pyjamas off, have a cuddle, and it's all OK again yeah? I say the same about every Saturday morning we have together, but for me it's just idyllic, slobbing around eating brekkie, watching a bit of TV here and there (LOVE Bernard, the hapless polar bear), before we usually head out somewhere. This week though cash was a bit tighter, having shelled out for a new windscreen, so we were going to have a lovely relaxing, EASY day.

Saturday Afternoon - Vancouver Festival

Right now is the 250th anniversary of the birth of Vancouver who sailed to Canada and founded the city named after him. Lots of stuff going on around KL, so me and Sam headed off to check it out.......

.....once we got into The Walks though we got sidetracked! We were on the muddy banks near the builders' yard (found more clay pipe) when we spotted what looked like a NEW path under construction, running diagonally from the level crossing to the east end of the football ground. We decided to go exploring. Time is no object for us today! We followed the new path and found a crossroads half way along, with another path seeming to head towards the new cafe area.......wow! Continued along OUR new path. Sam "discovered" part of an old castle! It's actually the remains of the town wall, halfway along Broad Walk, but Sam isn't to know, and it looked EXCITING! I explained to Sam what the arrow slits were used for......we looked from "inside" that you could see a wide area of the outside ground, then walked round to look from the other direction, and all you can see is a tiny slit in the wall....Sam was VERY impressed! We then walked past Red Mount (again Sam VERY amazed that they had recently discovered the secret bits underneath the chapel, it seems to be soooo mystical for a 4-year-old!) and into town.

We haven't been to MacDonalds for 6 weeks so we had a special indulgent Happy Meal there before heading off to Purfleet Quay. We often talk about the buoys in the sea when we go to the seaside, so I decided to take Sam to see some real ones. Sam was amazed at the scale of them, and luckily there was a boat alongside that had just loaded a buoy on to take it out to sea. Quick toilet break then we strolled down Boal Street to Boal Quay where there is a huge tall ship moored at the moment.

Boal Street was thriving, lots of food stands, some morris dancers (yay, we love them!), two "pirates" wearing a pirate ship (see pic), Sam loved it. We'd missed out on the time to go aboard the ship, so I texted the times for Sunday so Sam's mummy can take him....hope she does because he was so interested in everything going on.

Eventually we headed homeward doing the "swap numbers for animal noises" game, yesterday it was 2 = Quack, 5 = Moo, 7 = Cock-a-doodle-dooo. So we attracted a few funny looks as we walked home counting out loud, for example, thirty, thirty one, thirty quaaaaack, thirty three, thirty four, thirty moooooooooo, thirty six, thirty COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOOOOOOOO, thirty eight etc etc. Who cares what THEY think, me and Sam love it!

Saturday Evening

So, luxury situation! We were home about half past two, with 3 1/2 hours for play, bath and tea, nowt else, fantastic! And did we play! We've got a new game on the electric Cars track, where ALL the cars line up on the track and go round one at a time, sometimes knocking other cars off the track. Last one running wins. Sam loves this one. Well, actually, I do too - at least as much as he does but don't tell. We made some Lego stuff, Sam did some "cooking" with his cooker etc, altogether we had a lot of fun. Our Saturdays often end up with the clock ticking LOUDLY, but not this week. Sam had bangers and mash and beans for his tea and scoffed the lot (which amazed me), we had a fun bathtime (Daddy got soaked - "accidentally"), and then........and THEN we had The View CD in the car again on the way to mummy's - YAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Sarah's getting used to making "coming back time" exciting, so she told Sam there was something exciting to look at inside and he went off quite nicely, much better than many recent drop-offs.

Hmmm. So from there I went to indulge myself. Chinese takeaway, and I treated myself to some beers too - third time this week, naughty boy. Never mind, it made me feel better at the time.

So, a fun day, cost next to nothing, see you on Tuesday Sam, Daddy loves you!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Source: Eddie2sox
Friday 22nd June 2007, 10:06pm

I was set to do a good blog tonight about the last few days, but....

....Sam's mummy has completely p****d me off!

I'll do the long blog tomorrow. Tonight though I was accused of being drunk when Sam is with me. But earlier on I had a really good visit with my alcohol counsellor who was amazed and positive about what I've been doing. So that was not needed. Me and Sam DID go to the Woolpack - to pick up my wages which I need for tomorrow with Sam, and we had a game of pool, Sam's first ever go at darts, some music on the jukey (The View, The Twang and The Wiggles!), Sam had a J2O, I had orange and lemonade. I am nearly asleep and have been all day, so maybe I sounded less than interested in talking to her. Who knows.

I am so annoyed and in a major bad mood about being accused of being a bad dad. After all, it's not ME who loses Sam in shops (Wilko and Woolworths to name but two).

p.s. pic is NOT Sam! Looks like him though.

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Wednesday Is A Sam Day!

Source: Eddie2sox
Wednesday 20th June 2007, 8:21pm

Yabba-dabba-doo. But the day's been pretty good....

For a start I didn't have to rely on my car windscreen deflected a 2 kg lump of brick away from my head, with a closing speed of 80 mph. Good start.

Cleaning went by at an agreeably fast pace. Home at 12, lovely! By the way, has anyone reading found out what the truth is with Amanda and KLFM?

Then it was Sam time, yay! We "were" going to play with his Bob the Builder toys outside, but we had a game of football instead. We then sat together and watched Raven, what a fantastisch programme (Let the challenge.....begin!). Sam had spaghetti bol and garlic bread for tea, but couldn't eat it all because he had a banana a bit earlier. Anyway, we then decided to look on the Internet for Wiggles songs, and found plenty at Youtube. So we alternated Wiggles songs with The View songs, dancing and laughing away. We had a bit of a prang when we leaned too far during the Captain Feathersword song (same one I made of arse of meself with in The Woolie t'other day) and hit the deck, no injuries, just 3 seconds stunned silence then riotous laughter. We watched so many Youtube vids that we (well, I) nearly forgot about bathtime. In the bath Sam was singing Superstar Tradesman complete with fake Dundee accent!

Anyway, I found video of The View gig at The Barfly which I went to in January, which is ViewAtBarfly. Open it, maximise it, and enjoy one of the most exciting performances I have ever had the pleasure of seeing. Yes I was one of the many people jumping around generally going crackers, not bad for a 38 year old! Also found a vid of the Cambridge gig that me and Andy went to, sorry about the C word from Kyle (sound quality is pants, but you get the idea) ViewAtCornExchange. What a band!

And to top the good day off, Sam's mummy finally gave me my View CD back, after a series of typical "blonde" moments. Needless to say I hurt me ears on the way home, and probably damaged the new windscreen with the volume level too. The View are on fire!

Tomorrow "might" be a very unusual day/night!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Medieval Industrial Action?

Source: Eddie2sox
Tuesday 19th June 2007, 7:58pm

Tonight is the last past of Andrew Marr's "History Of Modern Britain".....

Last week featured the widespread strikes of the seventies, with badly-permed militants singing

"What do we want?

More money!

When do we want it?

Now!"

Classic stuff. Now at the time, and I don't know how or why this came to mind, I had a vision of Monty Python's "Knights Who Say "Ni"" on the picket line, singing:

"What do we want?

A shrubbery!

When do we want it?

NI!"

And I was peeing my pants laughing for a good ten minutes. When do I start growing up?

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Up Yours, Lady Luck!

Source: Eddie2sox
Tuesday 19th June 2007, 12:40pm

Pah, you'll have to better than THAT love....

I am beginning to see a pattern this week. Yesterday I suffered actual bodily harm in a hoover-related drive-by piping.

Today I cheated death when a lorry travelling in the opposite direction decided to chuck a half-brick size of rock at me. First I knew about it was a deafening crack and there was a massive broken area of windscreen right before my eyes (pic is outside The Woodmans, nice crack!). Good job the glass was there, or I might not be here! Insurance company were great and the nice man will be here between 1 and 3 with a new windscreen, how efficient is that! Well done Bedford Insurance and Autoglass.

So Lady Luck is out to get me hey? Well, I FART in Fate's general direction!

Anyway, to cheer myself up following my near death experience, I've lashed out on tickets to see The Enemy at Cambridge Junction and The Twang at Norwich UEA, extravagant but I needed cheering up!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

I Won (Or Did I?), Glad It's Gone, Grumpy Old Men, When Hoovers Attack!, And Dancing Prat!

Source: Eddie2sox
Monday 18th June 2007, 3:13pm

On BBC Norfolk text-in competitions, Father's Day, miserable buggers in the pub, industrial injuries and freaking out the early morning pedestrians of King's Lynn...

Wally Webb Competition

Today I was picked as the "winner" of the Wally Webb contest, hurrah! What do I win? Nothing! Actually, Wally operates a unique and lovely "tide comes in, tide goes out" system for prizes on this quiz, at the moment it is "tide coming in" where the winners send in a corny prize for the winners when the "tide goes out"! This will go on for a few weeks until a healthy stock of prizes has built up, and then winners will start picking something from the prize-list. Today the question was "In what country did the Battle of Waterloo take place?" Belgium obviously. Once again the men won. You see, this quiz, which runs from quarter past five to quarter to six, is a match between men and women. And 99% of the time the clever men win, while the slightly dipsy ladies lose. I guess most ladies who are up at that time will be doing what they OUGHT to be doing, juggling bacon, eggs, tea and toast in the kitchen for their menfolk.

Father's Day

I am happy that it's passed for another year. I didn't see Sam yesterday but did speak to him. Some dads can only dream about that. I am lucky. There are MANY men in worse straits than me, some by the vindictive actions of their childrens' mummy, more by their own laissez-faire attitude. I guess there must be some men better off too, lucky buggers.

Grumpy Old Men Club

As it's Monday I am looking forward to reporting for duty with the GOM in The Woolpack later. Will anyone be there? Find out here, later!

Owwwww Me Eye!

Major swearing occurred earlier today, when I lost control of Henry the Hoover and suffered a metal pipe blow to the eye socket. If you were subject to a prolonged four-letter outburst this morning near Wisbech, I apologise. I now have a nice lump and a black eye, who says being a cleaner is easy? Obersturmbahnfuhrer Ian offered me the accident book, but hey....it's only a little bump, jawohl?

Captain Feather-Sword, King's Lynn Style!

I made a complete arse of myself this morning, while cleaning The Woolpack. Me and Sam went to see The Wiggles at the weekend, and my favourite song is "Quack Quack Quack Quack Cockadoodledoo!". Well, this morning, I found myself singing this song out loud, and doing the dance - complete with sideways stepping, foot wiggling, arms flapping and using a duster above my head.......bad enough to admit on its own. However, as I "feathersworded" down towards the Gents, I looked up, and there was someone looking into the pub, at me, looking......disturbed. I can imagine this lady getting to work this morning at seven, and saying summat like "Must have been a fantastic night in The Woolpack, there was still one drunk fool dancing and singing when I walked past this morning!" I was that Captain Feather-Sword.

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Lights, Camera, Action, WIGGLES!

Source: Eddie2sox
Sunday 17th June 2007, 8:58am

Yesterday I was lucky enough to be with Sam on a day trip to that there London, to see one of his favourites, The Wiggles....

Due to the tight timescale for getting back at night, we drove to the station - how lazy! We bought tickets months ago when Sam was sleeping here on a Saturday and there would be no pressure to get back, but Sarah swapped the night since then so we had to be on our toes to get back to Norfolk. The easiest way seemed to be to leave the car at the train station so we could make a quick getaway later - and it only cost £1 to park for the whole day, I think hospitals could learn a thing or two from that!

So into the booking hall to get a ticket, mine was £31 including Underground travel, Sam was FREE, but the man in the office "printed" a special ticket for Sam anyway so that he had one to give to the guards, thanks Ticket Man! Actually, on a slight tangent, I find this kind of thing happens a lot with me and Sam. People often go out of their way to make his time a little bit more special, whether it's the man selling train tickets, the police woman who "checks" his driving licence when he's out on his bike, or the waiter in Costa Coffee who makes a special effort to spend time talking with him, people are so kind. So, onto the train and off to the big city!

Our journey was pretty uneventful, Sam played a lot with his Lego and we read a few stories and did some puzzles in a Thomas the Tank Engine annual, and then we started going through some big tunnels (it means you're getting near London) and Sam started getting excited. We got slower and slower as we got nearer King's Cross, Sam thought Arsenal's new ground looked like "a stadium, Daddy!", and wanted to know why they had left the old one (which is still being demolished about 300 metres away). Arrived, got off, Sam was gobsmacked with the size of the station (pic at top is Sam at KX, looking round in awe). We ditched our big bag at Left Luggage and off we went.

We headed onto the Underground, I showed Sam the underground map on the wall, and that we were heading for Hammersmith......found Hammersmith, traced the PINK line there, so we went to find the pink line for real (Hammersmith & City Line). Sam seemed to really enjoy hunting through the maze of tunnels under KX and St Pancras, and before long we were on the platform waiting for the big blast of wind that would tell us our train was approaching. Sam thought the automatic ticket barriers were great fun and quite dangerous, but we didn't get eaten once all day! On Friday night we'd looked on the Internet at Underground trains, and Sam really wanted to go on a red, white and blue one......so karma helped again when we had to board one of them for our trip to Hammersmith.

Sam loved going underground! He's SO up for new experiences, much more so than me at the same age I think. A quick half an hour later and the sign said "Hammersmith" so we jumped off, braved the barrier, and we were out in the big city! We were both hungry (although Sam was saying he wasn't!), so we decided to have a bimble round looking for a suitable eaterie. Fried chicken, nah. Fish and chips, nah. We went for a cosy looking Greek establishment, mainly because I spotted what looked like three generations of the same Greek family sitting inside, and guessed it must be OK if the locals used it. Turns out it was actually Turkish food, but there's little difference, if you go to any event at the Hammersmith Apollo I would really recommend filling up atthisplace before you go in. I ordered a big plate of salad, grilled meats, and chips, which Sam proceeded to tuck into (just as I knew he would). The waiter geezer was fantastic, kept checking if we were OK, asked Sam where we were going and if he was excited etc, top bloke, TOP food, delicious!

After our dinner we strolled up the road to the Hammersmith Apollo. It was only one o'clock so we had an hour in hand. Sam saw a building covered in huge cloths with pictures of a church on them likethis and it turned out to actually be a church underneath, undergoing renovation! We had a mooch round the venue then wandered off to "have a look round London" (Sam's suggestion!). Lots of interesting things and people to see, so by the time we got back to the Apollo it was nearly time to go in. In another great moment, karma let us see the flypast for the Trooping Of The Colour go directly overhead as we waited in the queue, we were obviously in direct line with Buck House, and Sam (and it has to be said, most of the kids there) were loving seeing big groups of noisy planes cruising past us so low.

And then we were in, hoorah! First stop ice cream stall, second stop to pick up a baseball cap for Sam, then our customary bimble round exploring. Up the stairs to the Circle (but it's oval Daddy), decor was nice, lots of yummy mummies (I wasn't looking though, of course, ahem), looked down on those below, then we settled on the stairs to wait for the doors to open. Sam is developing great confidence in potentially intimidating situations, and I am loving seeing this happen. He is completely at ease in crowds, and in theatres, which will hopefully serve him well as he grows up. All of a sudden the doors are open and we headed into the Stalls. Our tickets were in the last but one row, so this must have sold out MONTHS ago. The Wiggles were soon on stage and Sam was LOVING it, they played all the songs he (and me, OK I admit it) knew. Rock A Bye Your Bear, Here Comes A Bear, Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Cock-A Doodle-doo, all of the classics. What amazed me was that Sam was dancing like Tim Booth with epilepsy for the whole concert, dancing up and down the aisle, shouting and screaming at the stage, and generally having a bloody wonderful 4-year-old time. He befriended a slightly younger boy and they danced their asses off, and I had a great chat with this little lad's dad. It turns out we've probably been at 10/15 Leeds v West Ham games at the same time, obviously in different parts of the grounds though! Bemoaned the loss of terraces. He was also having a slightly trippy day, as it was the first time he'd been to the Apollo sober! Sam was amazed when he wanted a wee, we had to go down more steps! "Daddy, EVERYTHING is underground in London isn't it!" My favourite character Captain Feathersword was in attendance, and arsing around as much as usual, what a star he is. Does he ever get through a complete show without corpsing? And the giant inflatable Murray on stage was pretty good too, the generator wasn't quite up to the job and it took Jeff several minutes (amid much ridicule from his fellow Wiggles) to fully erect. All too soon the show was over, maybe just as well as Sam was nearly melting with the sweat and dancing, but we both felt just a bit sad leaving. Sam wanted to say bye-bye to The Wiggles in person.....

Back to the Underground, raced through the barrier again, boarded another train (red, white and blue, yay) and back to KX. On the way Sam was very animated, and "pulling" the women left, right and centre (you can tell by the look in their eyes, "I want THAT one" they think). I wonder how many of those ladies got home with their men last night and came out with something like, "You saw that lovely little boy on the Tube today....do you think it's time we thought about a family?" Sam MUST have been the catalyst for a few pregnancies in his time I'm sure! Off at KX, Sam wanted to play chase, so me and him legged it along the tunnels, dodging in and out of the people, generally having a LOT of fun. We had 40 minutes before our train. Problem? NO WAY, not for Sampants and Daddy! We just found something to eat and explored the station for a while, then settled on some quiet steps to lounge about looking cool! Once again, Sam was in full-on pulling mode, winning dozens of admiring glances. Lucky sod! Sam is getting VERY good at "cool", he is a relaxed little fella.

And then onto our train back to KL, Sam was VERY good all the way despite being very tired. We played some more and enjoyed talking about the things we saw out of the windows. A lady sitting opposite, who got off the train at Downham Market, took time to comment how good Sam had been, and ask where he'd been etc. Of course Sam wasn't shy in chatting to her, and they had a good ten minutes chat! As she got off, Sam yelled "See you again at King's Cross!" How cute!

Back at KL it was straight in the car and back to mummy's. We arrived at 1821, not a bad effort. So it was yet another great day out.

All that remained was for me to come home and have the tea that Sam suggested......"Hot ribs daddy". More than happy to oblige son. I love you.

I will be writing letters to say thanks for helping us enjoy our day to the geezer in the Greek cafe, the man in the ticket office at King's Lynn, and The Queen for sharing her flypast with a VERY excited little boy. Great times again!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

The Rock Years - Stadium Rock

Source: Eddie2sox
Saturday 16th June 2007, 10:00pm

Well, I found this show fascinating - couldn't take me eyes off it!

Not because I liked it, or the bands involved, just the opposite. I detested all the acts featured tonight, and still do! As for the great Live Aid myth, ho hum, anyone still believe that was about making money for Africans? Seems like those involved gave themselves and their careers and record sales a massive boost too!

So tonight we have seen Bruce Springstein, Dire Straits, The Police, Queen, U2, Kiss, Bon Jovi, some of the most pointless and bland musical artists ever. All enjoy huge "status" though, how come? No record from any of these people ever surprised me, it's just formula, written-by-committee mush.

To me, there is massive cynicism with "it's for the poor" style shows.

Anyway, this is just my opinion, I HATE MOR stadium rockers!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Woolpack News!

Source: Eddie2sox
Thursday 14th June 2007, 8:33pm

For all you Woolpackaholics out there, here are some latest developments....

I was due at a meeting tonight but have been afflicted with a case of the squits....so bailed out. Popped into the Woolie to check if Danny had been contacted by the Samaritans fundraiser bloke yet (he has) and found out the following:

Following the success of the Woolpack Wallies in the charity pool tournament, they are now going on tour! The Fenman pub is supporting a hospice, and the Wallies challenged them to a pool match, which was accepted. In addition, there is a quiz night arranged, so the Woolie WILL be sending AT LEAST one team, probably more, to do trivial battle. So picture the Wallies as the Woolpack Globetrotters, with Meadowlark Les as the shamanic leader. Woolpack on tour!

There's a great title for a new self-help book. We know that "life is what happens to us while we wait for our plans to go wrong". So what Little Miss Lemon suggested was that we need a map! Great idea. So, anyone volunteering to write a self-help book which we call "Sat Nav For Life"? That's already copyrighted by the way!

Old Bob proved he still has the best love-life of ANYONE in the Woolie by admitting he is knackered because he was, errrm, "talking" with his woman til after 1 in the morning, then felt obliged to "talk" again at 5 in the morning. What a hunka-hunka burning love that man is!

Old Bob also told us how to convert prices when we're on holiday in Europe.....multiply by seven. But you need to use commen sense too.

So. A busy few minutes. But you know that what the Woolpack does first, the rest follow.......

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Scam Number Two!

Source: Eddie2sox
Thursday 14th June 2007, 1:04pm

A while ago I tried to hook an African scammer by pretending to be Cliff Richard....I'm trying again!

I received an email from "Dr Ali Sidu" of the Bank Of Africa in Burkina Faso. He has a large sum of money from a dead customer that he wishes to share with me, how lucky I am!

So I simply replied this time "Please send me the money".

Got a VERY long reply from Dr Ali, asking for the following details:

1) Your age
2) Your occupation.
3) Are you married?
4) Tel N°.
5 fax no
6 passport copy as attachment

And so I am going to send another "Please send me the money as soon as possible" replies, together with "my" phone number (actually the ticket office of Manchester United). I also asked if he was sure he was in Burkina Faso, as his email addresses are from France.

The picture attached is Dr Ali's ID card!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

There's Gonna Be Some "Jolly Rogering" Tonight!

Source: Eddie2sox
Thursday 14th June 2007, 5:40am

Sam's posse of Matey sailors have a new friend....introducing "Mermatey"!

Are the Matey Men excited? Of course they ARRRRRRRRRRRRR!

"A vast behind" remarked Captain Fishy, he loves a woman with a fuller figure....

"There she blows!" squawked Captain Farty Pants, as Mermatey "introduced" herself to the chaps.

And "Moooooooo" added Captain Cow, as usual.

Shiver me timbers, it's early! I have got a really busy day today, cleaning until noon, Samaritans shift from 2 til 6, committee meeting at half past six, then home to veg out on the settee....roll on eight o'clock tonight!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Karma Rules OK!

Source: Eddie2sox
Tuesday 12th June 2007, 2:53pm

You have to love whatever is at work in this world, when you plug away at being a decent person with apparently no reward, and then your luck changes....

Two days into the week, two excellent pieces of mail!

Yesterday a cheque arrived, my pay for the filthy student houses cleaning job. And today, as you can see, complimentary tickets for Sam and me to the Dinosaur Park that I raved about in this very blog a couple of weeks ago. I wonder if this will continue tomorrow? Let's hope so!

On a slightly different note, Sam's mummy has at last got a phone with a camera from which she can upload photos to her PC. She sent some cool pics of Sam on a picnic. The pics were all called "Image013", "Image016" etc, the default names. I replied, offering the (I thought) helpful suggestion that she rename any photos she uploads as soon as possible, otherwise you end up with hundreds of pics all with default names, and it's hard to sort/find them later. This attracted the following reply:

"Don't push your luck with the technical stuff. Was my finger in it? No. Be appreciative and thankful lol! I'm working on the rest. I also don't have the time to sit and rename stuff the way you do. I have work to do at the moment. I'll sort it all out when I get a chance. They're all in folders in the mypictures anyway."

It's no wonder I don't like her any more.

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Busy Busy Monday

Source: Eddie2sox
Monday 11th June 2007, 8:52pm

Well I'm glad that's over and done with, one day down successfully, and tomorrow is a Sam Day!

I woke up really early this morning, and eventually got up early too. It seemed to be a good thing cos I was bright as a button from the word go, sometimes I struggle to get going at all. Off to the Woolie, cleaned it up nicely, then off to the Woodman's.

Handed the quiz over to Ian, who proceeded to read through it giggling and cackling in some kind of Machiavellian way. Hope it goes well. Time flew and I don't know how, but before I knew it it was home time.

Back to KL, washing up, feet up for half an hour then out for my afternoon Samaritans shift. Which was a doozie. Really busy for a Monday afternoon. Then out, wandered home, fancied a pint so nipped into the Woolpack. A few things:

Les' Breakfast Club: Les The Duck is revelling in the feelgood factor that was produced when the Woolpack Wallies pool team breakfasted chez Les. The plan is for Les' Breakfast Club (LBC) to meet once a month to sample a traditional Full English, together with A. N. Other dish, be it kedgeree (SP?), kippers, jerk chicken, frittata, all ideas will be considered. All washed down with a complimentary beer or two, then out to the Woolie for an afternoon of pool and high jinks, hurrah!

Napoleon/Wallpaper/Poison: Somehow this subject came up. I was convinced Napoleon's death was in some way linked to wallpaper and poison! Old Bob and Bwana McPhee pooh-poohed this ridiculous idea. A bet was struck for ten big ones....ten pence. Since I got home I feel I am 10p better off having found thiswebsite. Still may be some debate though!

Good With Colours: Little Miss Lemon (Woolpack's super-sexy lesbian barmaid if you're new to the blog) told me I was nicely co-ordinated today. Chocolate brown jeans, light brown t-shirt, trainers kinda went too. This does not mean I am gay. Soon after there was a brief spit-roasting debate, during which Vonnie told me "Do't side with the men". What DOES she mean? Hmmm. Now I think you have to fancy men to be gay, which isn't me, so these two foxy chicks can stop stirring it right now!

So. Home now. Off to bed very soon. It was a Monday, nothing else to be said really. Sam tomorrow!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Birthday Party, Gorefield Show, Cardboard Ferrari....

Source: Eddie2sox
Sunday 10th June 2007, 10:17am

It was a weird few days for me last week, but I now feel I am back to normal and ready to bore everyone with the usual diet of trivial rubbish!

Sam's Birthday & Party

Wednesday was the day my little boy was four years old. You can stop now son, I like you the way you are! Tuesday was the day of his party, changed from Wednesday at his mother's request. Which made it annoying when she texted me at ten to four asking when the party started! Also, after kicking up such a huge hissy fit about Sam's cousins not being invited (despite telling me they were having a separate family party), they never bothered coming either. GRRRRR! The party was at Planet Zoom, the local play barn type thing, and went very well. Sam started the whole thing by diving head first down some plastic steps, which produced an ostrich-egg size bump on his left temple, but he was so excited he felt no pain after the initial shock. Sam claimed he'd been pushed by Ryan, eye-witness Libby said he hadn't, I think it was Charlie from the grassy knoll. Sam's exact words were "Ryan pushed me down the stairs - but it was a accident!" whatever THAT means. For some bizarre reason I didn't have any socks on (!) but thankfully Vonnie lent me a pair of hers so I could get involved on the slides, paltforms etc, I love it nearly as much as the children - unfortunately my bigger feet completely mullered Vonnie's socks, SORRY! Playtime came to an end and it was time for Happy Birthday, and I actually got a picture of Sam smiling! He hates being the centre of attention at any time, so having to sit in the middle of his friends while mummies and daddies crowd round singing must be hell. He takes after his Daddy in that way. The party tea was in the small room near the bowling alley where Bradley's meal was a few months ago. The kids had a great time, making lots of noise, but for some reason Sam's mummy decided to sit at the table with them and kept shushing them! It's a chuffin' 4-year-old's birthday party for gods sake! Ho hum. Pretty soon it was time to leave, and Sam was doubly upset because not only was his party over but he wanted to come back to the flat with his Daddy.

Wednesday was Sam's actual birthday, AND a day I pick him up from nursery. It's not good luck, it's good planning (as I used to say when I developed maintenance plans in my RAF days). Sam got to open his presents and cards and we had a really happy evening. Sam did VERY well for money inside his cards too, lucky boy. Sam chatted to his nana and grandad on the phone too, lovely.

Friday

On Friday I was fed-up! Still, I got through the day just fine, had a good visit to the alcohol counsellor (who was gobsmacked I hadn't been accepted for nursing), and left feeling much better about things. At the Woodmans, I arranged with Ian the Landlord that we would meet up to take our offspring to the Gorefield Show on the Saturday - Ian had a couple of free passes too, so that was a bonus! I took a packet of Jaffas to each of the pubs in the morning as "team biscuits", to celebrate the fact we'd made it intact through another week - this seemed to be a bit of a strange concept in these civilian workplaces, must be a military thing? Collected Sam from nursery and he enjoyed a hearty chip butty tea - hope he enjoyed it. Why? Because it's an unhealthy routine introduced by his mummy when they moved to King's Lynn (I guess to save her cooking anything on a Friday night). It will be every other week from now on. At bed time we had an excited chat about the next day's activities, then Sam was out like a light. Been a busy week for the little fella too!

Saturday Morning

Sam climbed in with me spot on 2 a.m. and promptly zonked out til half past six, fab! Our main objective on Saturday morning was a visit to town to pay his birthday money (plus some from his savings pig) into the bank. Via the toy shop of course, in case they had the new Lego cement mixer in - Sam spotted it on the Lego website and WANTED IT! Sadly they didn't have it yet, so Sam spent £2.99 of his money on a young Mater model from the film Cars. In the film Mater is brown and rusty, but me and Sam discovered a while ago that he was actually sky blue when he was a young pick-up truck! So it was a bit of a find to discover the junior Mater, and Sam was looking forward to introducing him to the older version when we got home. From the toy shop to the bank, and Sam chatted away to the bank clerk as he added £40 into Sam's account (now stands at £78.18!) but this includes £36 ear-marked for the Lego fire station that is still on order. Back home Sam packed a few little toys in his bag while I re-packed our outings bag - this was necessary because on Friday the weather was CRAP, with a crappier forecast for Saturday. However, Saturday was bright, hot and sunny, so the waterproofs, wellies, jumpers etc were binned. And then, into the car and OFF WE GO!

Gorefield Show

We visited The Woodsman's Cottage for our dinner first. Sam had a huge meal and was full to bursting, and I had a huge lasagne, which stuffed me as well. Delicious food, compliments. Even better, Landlady Debbie paid for our meals herself, what an absolute star. Thanks Debs. Pretty soon we headed off to the show with Ian and Shannon, and I enjoyed dispensing fascinating yet completely fictitious facts on the way, based on the name Charlie....."See that fountain in that garden Sam? It was put there by Charlie Dimmock." "Ah, Wolf Lane.....did you know it was named after local farmer Charlie Wolf?" Bubble burst when we turned into Wolf Lane and spotted a house called Selvak (or summat similar) and Ian asked "OK clever clogs, is that Charlie the hoover salesman's house?"

The show was on the playing field and was very busy, thanks to the fantastic weather. Me and Sam soon got separated from the others, horses having a bigger interest for Shannon, and tractors for Sam! We bumped into Tracey, a colleague at the Woodman, and her little boy Daniel - well! Tracey's family owns some vintage tractors which were on display at the show and would be taking part in the parade later. Daniel had told me in the week that he would show Sam around the tractors, in particular a very old one known as "The Pop-Pop" because of the noise the engine makes - and naturally Sam was very excited about the prospect. We had a quick look at the tractors, but there was a huge inflatable slide demanding Sam's attention.....went over and got a FREE go because Debbie had arranged it with the owners the day before! Again, THANKS! We clambered up the inflatable steps to the top and it seemed extremely high and wobbly to me. Sam sat between my legs and we hurtled at (potentially literally) break-neck speed downward, crash landed (as usual) and scrambled to safety away from the bottom of the slide. Once again Sam's hat got blown off and made it's own leisurely way down to join us. What a fun ride. Next stop was a Lucky Dip stall where Sam won a teddy bear, how does he do it? By this time the tractors were entering the ring, and we sat with Tracey and her friends, and Sam's new friends Daniel, Haydn and Rachel, to watch. There were some lovely old contraptions on display, including a tiny Ransomes tractor with tracks, a mahoosive green jobbie with eight of the biggest wheels I've seen similartothistoyversion, and The Pop-Pop (pic at top of blog). Sam got very excited watching the Pop-Pop and when the tractors exited the arena we followed them and Daniel showed Sam how to climb aboard despite the lack of steps. Sam loved it, which 4-year-old wouldn't? Our next destination was the children's sports events. Sam surprised me by lining up in the 4 and under boys running race, finished second (behind a much bigger boy) and won himself a pound for his troubles! He absolutely loved his race! We had an ice cream then headed for home, via a fire engine - which the nice fireman allowed Sam to climb in and sit behind the steering wheel. Sam was a bit upset having to leave the show, but we soon got on the road to home, talking about our next task - starting to create Sam's home-made Ferrari!

Cardboard Ferrari

We didn't have a great deal of time, so we took the components outside to experiment with our red spray paint. It actually worked very nicely, sprayed half the bits, and Sam had a go too. The nozzle is a little hard for Sam to actuate, he has to hold the can at a potentially "friendly-fire" kind of angle. However, I am NOT bringing Sam up on a strict diet on no-risk, no-fun activities so I let him have a go. Again, he loved it. So now we have half the pieces red, I am going to hopefully do the rest tomorrow evening. Tuesday we may start cutting and glueing, not sure yet. We retired to the living room so Sam could eat his ham sandwiches (FOUR shapes today, rectangle, square, triangle and round), and we had a couple of elite banger races (i.e. with the 19 fastest looking cars). Out of these came the new favourite - Benny Hill Racing! Sam picked his current fave car (a yellow Dodge) and the rest took part in a normal banger race, lapping the cones on the table.....then when Sam waved the chequered flag all hell broke loose! It was shoot on sight for Sam's car as the rest tried to keep lapping while avoiding the Dodge. Eventually of course it would get down to a 1 on 1 situation, and at the moment my motor skills are better than Sam's. So, while singing the Benny Hill chasing song, the two would drive all over the arena, Sam trying to bash my car off, me trying to keep my car moving and on the deck. Sam LOVED it! He was also trying to sing the Benny Hill theme tune for the rest of our time together, cute!

And that was that! I'm BACK!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Crap Parking League IX

Source: Eddie2sox
Sunday 10th June 2007, 10:07am

Gutted yesterday to spot a humungous 4X4 parked comically, I didn't have me phone with me, ARRRGH!

So as a consolation here's a Peugeot 206 high and dry, mid-bays.

Table:

New Shape Mini.....3

VW Bora.....1.5

Vauxhall Vectra.....1.5

Honda Civic.....1

Vauxhall Corsa.....1

Vauxhall Combo van.....1

VW Golf.....1

Peugeot 206.....1

Remember, let me have your own "spots" to trix68@hotmail.co.uk Cheers!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Walks Development - 9 Jun 07

Source: Eddie2sox
Sunday 10th June 2007, 9:56am

There's been progress since 26 May, roof struts in place and breeze block walls have appeared...

....which only seem to enclose about half the area within. Maybe the gaps will be huge windows, which would give you a nice view across the park.

Sam was more interested in the fact that the fence around the play area has been ripped up, and wanted to know if the new one would have a fence or not? Not sure son, we'll have to wait and see!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Be Careful In The Toilets!

Source: Eddie2sox
Saturday 9th June 2007, 9:24am

I left a note for Danny and Kim when I finished cleaning in The Woolpack yesterday morning...

....."be careful if you go in the Ladies loos, there's a massive leek somewhere near the hand basin....."

Seemed like it worked a treat, Danny - allegedly - rushed off to investigate the faulty plumbing - only to find what is shown in this picture. BOOM BOOM!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Here we go again....

Source: Eddie2sox
Friday 8th June 2007, 5:32am

Another day another dollar, but today WILL be better....

1. Picking Sam up at half past three, for an overnight stay.

2. It's payday.

3. Seeing my counsellor, to report my failure.

4. Got a hot date tomorrow night!

Always look on the bright side of life! I refuse to let it beat me.

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Riot Van

Source: Eddie2sox
Thursday 7th June 2007, 10:24pm

Following on from the last entry, an amusing little tale of small town shenanigans. Fact or fiction?

For people who say that "things are worse these days", well you're wrong. When you talk about chavs causing trouble these days, a few years ago it was people like me who you would possibly hear called "casuals". A hundred years ago it was rowdies or hooligans. It's the same situation but a different label.

I just want to recall a story that I was told. Picture the scene. Christmas Eve 1989 or 1990. A busy pub in a Lincolnshire market town. 7 or 8 at night. There's a bunch of mates who have been out together all day, and they're a bit loud. Daily Mail readers would call them a gang or a mob. But these young lads are just a group of local football fans who follow Leeds United all over the country, despite the fact that Leeds United are rubbish.

The lads are singing, loudly, Leeds songs. Other pub locals are singing Christmas songs and there is a very friendly exchange of banter between the groups - after all they are friends/neighbours/relatives. The landlady approaches and tells the boys to shut up. Hmmmm.......

*note. The new landlord and landlady have only been at the pub for a few weeks, after a previous much-loved landlord (Trev) had been thrown out*

Why?

Because you're singing.

So are they.

They're singing Christmas songs.

This was the cue for the very same Leeds United songs to be sung but with Santa in the place of the word Leeds. Very seasonal.

Landlady approaches again.

Shut up.

What now?

You're singing.

At this point things went wrong. The landlady went to pour Stan's pint onto the floor. Stan obviously didn't want that to happen, and next thing the nearly full pint was all over the landlady. And then? Mayhem.

Landlady started attacking Stan. Some of the other members of the group - already fed up due to the change of landlord - decided to take a little revenge. Fruit machines hit the deck, optics smashed, phone lines were ripped out. Mass exodus by the other customers. One member of the group chased the landlord's gay son round the bar, but legged it when said gay son produced a huge knife from under the bar, Windows broke. Glasses flew.

Sirens.

People tried to stroll nonchalantly out and away but the police picked them up and chucked them into the back of the van. One, two, three, four, five, six.......phew, one less than they could use to press the charge of Riot. Doh. Numbnuts Gilly walked up to the van and got in voluntarily despite the "get lost Gilly" hisses. Off to the nick, nee nah nee nah, police making the most of their prize.

The point of this little story is that people think that "things" are getting worse all the time. They're not, they just get more publicity. Was this a real incident? Not saying yes or no.

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Come Back To What You Know

Source: Eddie2sox
Thursday 7th June 2007, 9:40pm

Pretty much fed-up of life at the moment, and music always means more when you're feeling extremes of emotions doesn't it....

Just gonna have a bit of a rant instead of the usual happy rubbish if that's OK? Since I got binned from starting mental health nursing training I have had a very crappy week, life suddenly has no direction or focus at all and I have been drinking and eating too much and the wrong stuff. Not good. Anyway, I have been listening to a lot of music too, and tonight realised that it's a bit like some kind of safety blanket. A few songs have really made a very deep mark in the last few days:

Come Back To What You Know - Embrace: Obvious, plea from singer Danny for his life to return to happier times. Depressing.

Riot Van - Arctic Monkeys: Just reminds me of "the time of my life" when I was young, fearless and a waste of police time. "Got chased last night from men with truncheons dressed in hats, didn't do that much wrong, still ran away though for the laugh just for the laugh, please just stop talking because they won't find us if you do, oh those silly boys in blue, well they won't catch me and you". Them were the days, so much easier outwitting the police than these days doing battle with life's real problems.

Naive - The Kooks: "Just don't let me down"?

Chasing Rainbows - Shed Seven: You keep trying to find the right way to live your life, keep hoping that you've got it right, but it never happens.

Mardy Bum - Arctic Monkeys: Reminds me of when it all was going wrong with Sarah, we knew it was falling apart but still didn't try to sort it. "Now then Mardy Bum, I see your frown and it's like looking down the barrel of a gun and it goes off. And out come all these words. Oh there's a very pleasant side to you, a side I much prefer,
it's one that laughs and jokes around, remember cuddles in the kitchen yeah, to get things off the ground, and it was up, up and away. Oh, but it's right hard to remember that on a day like today when you're all argumentative, and you've got the face on."

Some Might Say - Oasis: From out of nowhere I got the memory of me and first wife rushing into Huntingdon to buy this as a Tape single (!!!) and playing it again and again in the car because it just blew the two of us away. It was so good. And, listening again, it still is.

Can't Stand Me Now - The Libertines: Actually reminds me of cooking big Sunday dinners for family and friends when me and Sarah were living at Marham, but I guess the title sums up the way she thinks about me now. My kitchen used to be a rocking one! Very loud music which produced (if I say so meself) a bloody lovely Sunday roast!

Fairytale Of New York - The Pogues: Had a lot of time thinking about "that" time when it was just me and my football mates, and this song just pushes the right buttons. The last time we were ALL together was round about Christmas, can't remember the year, and I remember us all singing this song, word for word, and it was a moment when I think we realised we were joined together for life and the music kind of cemented it. That actually sounds a bit crap, but I know what I mean. I really want to write about some of the stuff we got up to.

Yep, things are not so great in some ways at the moment.

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Scottish George - A Denial!

Source: Eddie2sox
Wednesday 6th June 2007, 12:25pm

As official legal representation for Scottish George, I have decided to issue the following statement on his behalf....

On the evening of 5 June 2007, a bollard was uprooted at the junction of Gaywood Road and Tennyson Avenue. Scottish George was not involved in this incident in any way. He was at home all night, alone, and you can't prove otherwise.

Previously George has been accused of molesting this very same bollard, wrestling it to the ground and "making sweet love" to it, which certain curtain-twitching local inhabitants reported to Norfolk Police. There were also, allegedly, nine eye witnesses, but we can discount these individuals as they were all either drunk, female, or Scottish, in some cases more than one on these things. Any of those traits make their testimony under English law unsafe.

I personally carried out DNA testing on the bollard this morning, and found evidence of close to 40 breeds of dog, two cats and a hedgehog. Not a single DNA Profile matched the one provided to me by Scottish George, in that tissue. George freely acknowledges that while he may be a bit of a wolf, he is definitely no dog.

Finally, before unfounded accusations regarding this matter begin to be thrown at my client, please remember - his lawyer is watching!

(Scottish, usual mates' rates apply).

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Crap Parking League VIII

Source: Eddie2sox
Tuesday 5th June 2007, 6:38pm

Another day, another Mini....

The third new shape Mini cements their place at the top of the league - and what's more, all three have been exactly 50/50 over two spaces. Do they include this in the manual under "Park like this and people will notice your over-priced new motor"?

Table:

New Shape Mini.....3

VW Bora.....1.5

Vauxhall Vectra.....1.5

Honda Civic.....1

Vauxhall Corsa.....1

Vauxhall Combo van.....1

VW Golf.....1

Remember, if you spot an abandoned aberration, snap it on your phone camera and email to me at trix68@hotmail.co.uk

And Letty - did you say you had an example for us?

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

The "News" That Happens Around Me....

Source: Eddie2sox
Tuesday 5th June 2007, 2:33pm

The last few months have been a bit weird, as people I know have hit the headlines for some unfortunate reasons....and one very notorious person avoided the media because we managed to hush it up....

A mate at Bespak called Henry Pope appeared in the Lynn News recently, having been sent to prison for twenty weeks. He always seemed to be a very decent young man to me, guess you can never tell! Cats

Another Bespak colleague, Chris Porter, was eventually jailed for 4 years for this offence: Robbery

A colleague from the pub I clean near Wisbech was yesterday thrown through the back window of a car that went off the road, and is sadly in a critical condition in hospital. There are questions about the fitness to drive of the driver at the time, but I obviously will not describe it any further or confirm or deny the rumours as they are a member of a notorious local family.

Finally, I am not going to go into any detail at all in case the police monitor these blogs, but there was an incident involving a pregnant woman and a local lottery winner, which we in The Woolpack managed to tie up and keep quiet. PM me if you want to know the whole story!

So. I seem to be some kind of Jonah since I've been living in King's Lynn. If you know me, BE CAREFUL!

On A Completely Different Note

I have been feeling really fed up since I got rejected for nursing. Life seems pretty much pointless at the moment, but I hope this will pass soon. Let's face it, pub cleaning is a dead end job and I am getting over-tired with the 5.05 a.m. alarms. Sam's mum is getting more awkward all the time. Things are a bit crap right now, but ho hum, it's Sam's brithday party in an hour, time for a happy face!

p.s. happy anniversary of passing your driving test Letty!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Crap Parking League VII

Source: Eddie2sox
Monday 4th June 2007, 2:51pm

A cheeky gem spotted at the weekend.....

Although this pic seems somewhat indecisive, this VW Golf was denying the use of four parking spaces on Sunday. Shame that the angle of the Sun and of the photo don't show it in its full, incompetent glory.....

Table:

New Shape Mini.....2

VW Bora.....1.5

Vauxhall Vectra.....1.5

Honda Civic.....1

Vauxhall Corsa.....1

Vauxhall Combo van.....1

VW Golf.....1

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

An Hour At The Woolie!

Source: Eddie2sox
Sunday 3rd June 2007, 5:47pm

And what a great waste of time it was. Banter was in full flow but EVERY comment was a winner!

I took meself to the supermarket to get my food for the week plus ingredients for a load of meals for Sam. I use recipes by Annabel Karmel, she hides vegetables in food that looks like "junk" to nippers. Annabel Sam loves most of her recipes and will love them more as he gets older. Supermarket full of people and empty of some veg - couldn't get the spring onions for Sam's fishcakes, grrrr......

So home, shopping away, I decided to take my sorry ass off to the Woolpack for a while, and I am so glad I did! When I arrived Timkof, Tony and Trevor were there, plus a few more down "that" end.....Immediately Tony was telling us all to get money on Timmynomates in the 5.10 at Exeter. Timkof took it with a pinch of salt. Who knows if the hunch will prove true? Another fancied horse was Silver Hotspur, based on Les The Duck who supports Tottingham and has white hair.

As if by magic Les then walked in. Tony won the pub bonus ball last night and was a bit flush, so he handed £2 to Les and said "Put what you like on". Well, Les has NEVER been allowed near the jukebox before, mainly because of his stated love of Il Divo......so he was highly delighted. I had to talk him through how to get 3 songs for a pound, and in the end I wish I hadn't.

What followed was aural torture! Four Il Bloody Divo "songs" (including The House Of The Rising Sun, all sung in "foreign"). All around the pub hands went over ears as Il Divo blasted out their mournful rubbish. Suicide pacts were discussed. Someone ordered as follows - "Pint of Fosters, pork scratchings, and a noose please". Tap on his shoulder from bloke on next bar stool...."Make that a double noose". This hour was probably the VERY BEST for banter that I have heard in The Woolie. Baron Stewart popped in for a pint of shandy then headed home, followed by the encouraging "Get some sleep, you've got an airport run in the next four or five days" from Les (Stewart overslept last week and missed an airport run, he's a taxi driver). As yet another doleful Il Divo song started I put my head in my hands, not thinking anyone was watching, and whispered "Please let it end soon". At which point Danny the Landlord pissed himself laughing, overhearing my heartfelt plea. Best quote of the day was, while Il Divo was playing...."And THAT, my friends, is why HE is not allowed near the jukebox".

Old Bob came in, and had to settle for the fourth stool along from the Senior Stool! Didn't go down well, he was rather uncomfortable having to spend time at the council end of the bar that I usually inhabit. Also, the change coming out of the till was bonkers, alll 5 pence coins! Bob had a good laugh at the pile of silver in front of me, then rapidly stopped smirking when he got a handful of shrapnel for himself.

So. Actually spent 95 minutes at The Woolpack today. Really good fun, and would have liked to stay for longer. Sadly, voluntary work calls, and I can't turn up at 2 a.m. drunk! So now home, cooking tea, heading to bed before eight o'clock!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

I'm Buying A Football Club!

Source: Eddie2sox
Sunday 3rd June 2007, 11:50am

Well....possibly a small share in a football club....

There's a movement up and running where football fans can buy an equal stake in an English football club and have a say, ultimately, over team selection, tactics etc. For a fee of £35 you become an equal partner in a newly purchased club. The aim is for the fund to reach 50,000 members, generating a purchase fund of £1.375M.

If you're interested in football, check it out: BuyAClub

So for the rest of my day I am at a bit of a loose end. Got a voluntary shift from 2 a.m. tomorrow morning, but until then the world is my oyster!

Crap Joke Of The Week!

Three tortoises, Mick, Alan and Les, decide to go on a picnic. So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there.

When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Les give me the bottle opener."

"I didn't bring it, " says Les. "I thought you packed it."

Mick gets worried, He turns to Alan, "Did you bring the bottle opener??"

Naturally Alan didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Mick and Alan beg Les to go back for it, but he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches.

After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Les sets off down the road at a steady pace.

Twenty days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Alan are starving, but a promise is a promise.

Another five days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Les pops up from behind a rock and shouts........

"I KNEW IT!......I'M NOT F****** GOING!"

Have a good Sunday!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Hunstanton!

Source: Eddie2sox
Saturday 2nd June 2007, 7:51pm

Sunny Hunny is nothing special. It's a small-scale slice of English seaside tat, but great fun for that very reason!

We had a GREAT time today! Sam had a good sleep last night, and so did I for once.

Usual Saturday morning, with one difference. Nana and Grandad gave Sam a cardboard box yesterday, with lots of foam pieces in, and we have decided to convert it into a racing car. We needed red paint and good glue to set about this task, so we made an early morning foray to Homebase. As the locals say round here, "There's no F in Homebase - but there's six O's in Foooooocus". We bought a can of red spray paint and some loony glue in a can......boys toys and he's only 3! We start construction on Tuesday....

So.....seaside. I offered Sam the choice of transport and he went for bus. Fine. £5 return for me, Sam goes free! First stop on arrival at Hunstanton was the ice cream parlour......two 99's demolished in record time, half of Sam's down his clothes, as is traditional. From there to the crazy golf, which Sam has suddenly developed a real passion for. There are two 9 hole courses, you can play both AND pick the colour of your ball! One is themed as a pirate course, the other is Aztec, and they are both ACE. We had a real laugh whacking the balls around the course (and sometimes out of it), crazy golf is another essential ingredient of the English seaside town.

From the golf to the Sealife Centre. Got a cheap entry thanks to a voucher given to me by Old Bob at The Woolpack. We had a bite to eat before heading into the centre, and I was as impressed this time as I was the last time I went there - probably 2 1/2 years ago. Sam kind of liked it, but he was looking forward to the funfair! So off we went.....

Last time we were at Hunstanton I was really broke, but Sam was SOOOO understanding and good about it. We just walked round the funfair looking at the rides and planning what we would go on when we had some cash. And Sam took that without question - what a little star! So this time, Sam had the run of the place, and took full advantage of it. It was so good to see him jumping onto ride after ride and being able to afford it. We shared rides on the helter skelter and the HUGE bumpy slide, which was great. The slide was awesome, extremely fast and with a hint of danger towards the bottom. On one run we ended up on our sides at the bottom, laughing like loonies, while watching the next wave of riders hurtling down towards us. We legged it, leaving shoes and hats behind, to avoid getting splatted. Daddy obtained carpet burns to the buttocks and a splinter on the helter-skelter! Our last ride was The Waltzers! At the Mart in February Sam discovered that he loves riding on adult Waltzer rides - so on we got. As if by magic, the chap running round the cars spinning them round was a Woolpack semi-regular! So we got 100% attention and 100% dizziness-inducing spinning, FANTASTIC! Sam was again laughing all through the ride, which is the very best sound in the whole world.

We staggered off the Waltzers and headed for the beach (via a doughnut stand and a loo). Discarded our shoes and socks and paddled through the few streams and puddles left by the distant tide. Sam loved running into the warm pools around the ends of the groynes, and yes, he tripped and soaked himself right through. He stood himself back up, spat out the salt water, then headed off to the next pool. Too soon it was time to make our way towards the bus station. Sam wasn't happy, neither was I. Still, Sam needed a complete change of clothes, but didn't want to get nekkid on the beach....."People will see my bum". Bless him! So we went to a dry part of the beach and Sam had his first "under the towel, but in public" change of clothing! Back to the bus station, onto a single-decker (sorry Sam) and home. Sam had a snooze on the way, obviously cream-crackered. DJ Jay took the time to pop out of the Woolie to wave as we walked past on our way home.

Back home and the Saturday night rush was on. Tea, bath, back to mummy's. Sam ate a HUGE tea of mash, peas and fish fingers, covered in gravy (his request). We had a good bathtime, then a short play time before heading off. We sand Chelsea Dagger and For The Girl all the way there. I am LOVING the fact that Sam likes new music as well as traditional nursery rhymes etc. He amazed me the other day by singing the entire chorus of Chelsea Dagger all the way through, twice, when he didn't think I was listening. "Chelsea Chelsea I believe, When you dance there slowly sucking your sleeve, The boys get lonely after you leave, It's one for the dagger and another for the one you believe....." We have so much to look forward to, festivals, gigs, it's all good!

So back to mummy's. Ho hum. We manufactured a reason for Sam to go in eventually, after he shouted "Cuddle Daddy" twice as I was walking away. Love my little boy so much. What a star he is. The pic is my son, but far enough away that you can't make out any details. Love you Sampants!

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above

Before Your Very Eyes!

Source: Eddie2sox
Saturday 2nd June 2007, 8:32am

You see the picture attached to this blog?

Well, within a few days or maybe a week or two, this motley collection of cardboard and foam will be a Ferrari F1 racing car!!!! Yes, it's true, and we're off out to find some more vital components soon....

This is just a quick visit, we're heading off to Hunstanton later (on the bus, at Sam's insistance) and THIS time Daddy has some money! I'll blog a proper blog tonight after Sam's gone back to his mummy's.

Permalink

To report this post follow the permalink above