Robbie Williams - My Kindred spirit

Love him or hate him, Robbie Williams has got problems. Despite his wealth, neither he nor his doctors can beat or stop the depression from affecting him. Robbie refers to it as his demons.

I've just read an article in the EDP about Robbies interview with Stephen Fry in a BBC documentary last year. Stephen Fry is another well known depressive. Frightening thing you know, reading about Robbie Williams and recognising myself. We are kindred spirits through this depression. Robbie said that his depression “manifested itself and stopped me going out. I'd lost the cog to socialise.” - I remember writing this about me on my very first blog here.

I still hate going out now, and I absolutely loathe the telephone. And I've felt this way for years.

Then The Sun gets in on the act, stating that Robbie has 36 Espressos and 20 Red Bulls every day. Well, I can symphasise with that as well, because one of the other symptons of this stupid curse is the overpowering tiredness. I have complained many times about the tiredness here too. I don't drink the espressos though - strong coffee upsets my stoach ulcer something wicked, and I can't drink Red Bull either because of the other side effects.(Don't ask) I use Proplus tablets, 100% Caffeine, with weak coffee. Lots of them. That's my way around it.

My other main symptoms are a constantly foggy mind, everything takes so long to do, I'm seriously impatient, hate my order & routine being upset & disturbed, and my nerves are shot through. When something happens that just startles you - I'm on the ceiling, sweating like crazy with my heart really beating fast. And as for the insomnia, well, although I'm always tired I can't sleep on my days off - often I'm checking emails or walking around the back garden at 3 or 4 O'clock in the mornings.

Robbie is also a manic depressive - this is not as frightening as it sounds - a manic depressive basically has very long, depressed periods with the occasional good/high period. Both of these moods are extreme opposites of the other and they can change quickly over minutes, hours or days. There is no pattern or warning.

Robbie has two advantages over me - he can afford proper, private treatment and is taking proper anti depressant medicines. There's no way I can afford that treatment, and I'm not taking any prescribed medication either because it is kept on medical records which have to be declared to life Insurance companies.

The last time I did this, and the reason I don't have life insurance at the moment, is because the premiums almost doubled, that was ages after I'd finished that treatment and told the company I didn't have a recurrence.

But I do really - I just don't go to the doctors anymore. I self treat with St John's Wort which helps keep the back moods in check, and the doctors records clear. I still feel the same, but I'm just not as bothered, and the moods, although they're still there, normally just aren't as bad. Somehow.

Which is just as well really, for two reasons. Last time I was on prescribed tablets I had to take a carrier bag every where with me because the feeling of sickness was terrible. Didn't eat for days. And Secondly, I don't particularily want to end up like my mother did, on tablets for 40 ish years to control the moods. And when I can afford to re-instate the life insurance - the premiums won't be that bad either.

I wouldn't wish this curse on anyone.But, with Robbie Williams in the press, it's just nice to know that it's not just me either.The only difference is Robbies getting paid millions and doesn't have to work. I go to work every day to go further into debt. I was going to say welcome to my world Robbie, but although we've both got the Curse until the day we die, our worlds are still totally different.

Until tomorrow

Paul

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Robbie Williams - My Kindred spirit

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