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Friday 23rd - Turning the page onto Mum's birthday

Blog: Frustrated Businessman
Posted by: knightrider45 Friday 23rd March 2007, 1:26pm
Last edited 23/03/2007 1:26pm by knightrider45

Hello Mum! Happy Birthday - suprise! I can't get down to give you your flowers so I thought I'd send you an open letter instead.

As I changed the logs over at work last night, and wrote today's date on the new ones, I realised that todays your birthday. Your 76th Birthday no less.

Your birthday today is really significant for me you see, because this is your first birthday since we found out late last year that you'd died in September, 2003.

Walsall Social Services didn't see fit to tell me you see, and whereas I'd normally send you a good wish thought to wherever you were, I can't do it this year, because you're not here.

Wasn't that last argument of yours a bit silly now when you look back? Do you remember? It was when I brought my new wife and your brand new grand daughter to see you at the residential home you were in at the time. You ignored them both, upsetting both of them, making them both cry, because, I think, anyway, we couldn't have you come and live with us. Remember mum? Thats the last time I saw you.

That new grand daughter who you met then is 15 this year, and she's turned into a beautiful, articulate & intelligent young lady. Oh Mum, you've missed so much, especially with the other 3 kids turning into responsible adults as well. All through that stupid attitude of yours.

The one that cost us so much as a family over the years. Oh, don't get me wrong mum, i know we had good times as well, but the bad times, well, the bad times were really bad weren't they?

Do you rember my first really bad case of gastro enteritus? I can't remember the exact date, but I do remember that it started the day my middle sister-your second daughter- didn't come home because Social Services had taken her into care after she went to school with THAT suicide note. You spoilt your second daughter rotten over the rest of us. Well, that spoilt daughter ended up in a residential mental home last thing I heard, so spoiling her didn't do her much good did it mum? Especially as she was only in her 20s when it happened.

Then, there's the time you'd had that argument with dad and locked me out, and wouldn't let me in the house for a couple of hours in the middle of winter when I was 12.

And do you remember the neighbours in Booth Street calling the Police out to you because they though you'd gone over the top with the way you punished me and my oldest sister in the street when we went riding on the bike without getting your permission first. How old was I then mum? Eight, nine, maybe ten even.

And do you know, I haven't seen my oldest Sister since she was taken into care at 14? She'll be 41 soon.

And why didn't you tell me about that early morning knock on the door from the Police and Social Services just after I'd left home? Why did I only find out a couple of years ago that you'd been arrested and taken down to the Police station to give Social Services the chance to take my baby sister into care as well when she was 12? How did you cope with going back to that empty house after?

Although I'll never forget mum, I am learning to understand as I get older. You see, mum, the things that went on in your head, you've passed some of them onto me. I'm on day 4 of a really black, dark mood, the same as you used to have for weeks on end.

I remember when you didn't go out of the house for 5 years. Not once. Well mum, I feel that way too, but I've got to go out, because we need money, and as the man of the house, it's my job to get it.

And I get your migraines too.

But mum, I never behave the way you did. I just don't feel the need to, see. I treat my family as a blessing, not like the inconvenience you treated us as (well except Daughter 2 anyway).

So, mum, my Birthday presnt to you this year, is one I can give you, for the first time in years. Its understanding mum. I understand. I will bring you your flowers a bit later on, but I just haven't got the time at the moment to make the 350 mile round trip to visit your grave.

And me and my baby sister are taking action against Walsall Social services. Did you know, they've lost all our records? My baby sister has got a letter of apology from them, and me, well, they don't even bother answering my letters. They still haven't told me you've died yet.

Anyway mum, I've got to go. This is my last letter to you. A little bit of closure for me. Turning those logs over to todays date was the most distressing thing I've done in years. I just wish I wasn't at work when I did it. Still it's over now. This is my first day of grieving for you.

Now that you've passed onto the other side, I hope God has repaired the damage he let you be born with. And if you are visiting all your children on your birthday, please make sure you come into my house at 5pm today when we're all together, because then you'll see a brilliant, close family, just like what your family should have been like.

Bye mum, see you soon.

Your loving son Paul.

xx

ps, love to dad

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