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I'm still having problems virtually every day. It was my wifes birthday on 1st January. Couldn't afford to buy her anything -AGAIN - she says it doesnt matter - but it does to me.

The next problem started on the 2nd January when the builders finished knocking the kitchen and diner into one room. The dust and vibrations have knocked my computer dead. Had to get another hard drive and reformat it and get all my software back onto it. Thank God I keep backups! But you know, it's as if fate is always working against me with this retail site - there's always something to stop me working on it.

Then - a major panic or stress attack whilst at work. Started about 7.30pm and lasted until 1.30 am(ish.) Heart racing, stomach pains, panicky, headache and black mood. That's for getting stressed out over the computer I guess. Running out of my St John's Wort tablets now as well, only on one a day instead of two, but they're still due to run out tomorrow.

3rd January. Working Nightshift. Eventually got around to doing my New Year's resolutions. Two this year, the first is to earn at least £50,000 through the business and my job. The second is to stop smoking. Still no advertising for, or sales from the business. Too busy, too tired to advertise today. My stomach started to play up again, food got stuck on the way down after swollowing it. I have a stomach ulcer, caused by by stomach making too much acid. This acid comes up the windpipe, scarring it as it does. The scar eventually grows out into the windpipe as a result of it being constantly hit by stomach acid. End result - a growth called a stricture, which can eventually block the windpipes entrance to the stomach. This is where the food gets stuck, an incredidibly disturbing feeling full of pain. Food gets stuck, the body makes more saliva to try and get rid of the food, resulting in a big back flow in the windpipe. The blockage must either go down or come back up. It came up this time. First time I've had this problem in 18 months or so. Already had two operations for the same thing. Luckily enough the blockage was stuck for only a few minutes - I've had blockages stuck for 4-6-8 hours before now.

If I stop getting stressed and depressed, the stomach won't make excess acid. The scar disappears and everythings ok. Maybe miracles do happen.

4th January. And todays problem.The heating oil ran out at 8am this morning as I got home, it was budgeted to last for another week until I got paid. I guess with the heating being on 24/7 for the last two weeks with Christmas and my wife off work with flu blew the budget through the window. Cold weekend forecast. No money. What a situation. Got up at 2pm, spent the next 3 hours talking to my employers for an advance and to our oil suppliers for an emergency delivery.

5th January. Finished nightshift at 7am. Drove to my employers office to get the advance cheque to pay for the oil. Then drove to my employers bank to cash the cheque (with 2 forms of ID)- then drove back to Kings Lynn to pay the cash for the oil delivery - the oil company won't deliver on account- then drove home. Got home, eventually, at 11.30am after driving something like 120 miles. Cup of Tea, then bed, up at 4pm, got ready for nightshift again. Didn't have anything to eat - too stressed, too tired.

Oil problem sorted and paid for. Oil delivered by 12pm, now we have a nice warm house.

6th January. Still stressed out from yesterday. Went to bed, got up at 1pm, carried on reformatting my new hard drive and putting my software back on it. Now I'm ready to go again. First day this week I didn't have to go out. St Johns Wort ran out now, so I'm back on the cheap Tesco ones which only contain a trace of the drug I need.

7th January. Didn't go out anywhere. Spent most of the day sorting out my new retail web site. Still not done this year's budget - now one week overdue. Just don't want to do it, can't be bothered. Guess it's because I never earn enough to pay the bills, and it frightens me to confirm that to myself in writing. Unless I hit the £50,000 earnings, I know I'll fail on the budget.

8th January. 3rd day off. Wife home all day too. Just concentrated on getting my retail web site sorted out, designing the web pages and correcting my previous error on the pay buttons (put the wrong business name in the payment field)

9th January. 4th day off. Again concentrated on sorting the retail web site out. Still not gone out anywhere - three days running. This is what I want! Now, all I need to do is earn money from staying in. That would be perfect. I don't like the world out there, I'm safer, and happier here in my house. Making plans to start advertising the business Friday Saturday and Sunday this week.

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