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23rd October - Why must life be so cruel?

Blog: Frustrated Businessman
Posted by: knightrider45 Tuesday 23rd October 2007, 8:16am

Today, IÂ’m angry. Not with life, or any particular person, but with myself.

Firstly because my baby sister has been confirmed with bowel cancer. At just 33. Hopefully not terminal, hopefully, relatively "easy" to deal with. We're waiting until the 9th of November now, that's the date of her initial consultation where the doctors are going to explain what they're going to do.

Secondly, reading Eddie2socks blog yesterday gave me the shock of my life as his dad has just died.

Thirdly, my colleague John's wife had a check up after discovering a lump under her arm. Turns out it's lung cancer. Terminal - with a life expectancy of 6 - 9 months.

I'm so angry with me. Why is it, that with this valuable, once in a lifetime commodity, called life, I'm wasting it struggling to earn a living, wasting most of my life, doing things I don't want to do?

And why is it that I'm like most people, being forced to accept this life as normal? Why don't we fight back, take control of our lives, instead of our lives controlling us?

And why can't I, God forbid, be like most normal people, be happy with my lot, accept the fact that I'll struggle all my life, just to die penniless, with nothing to show for my life except for three pieces of paper, namely my birth certificate, my marriage certificate and my death certificate, to show that I actually existed at all? Just like my parents.

Why can't I gather my guts together from somewhere, leave my job and really start living an exciting, different life? Since when does responsibility also mean boredom, and a mundane existence instead of living life?

When I was younger, I substituted this need with adrenaline whilst doing the job I'm still doing now - there's nothing like being in fear of your life to make you appreciate life - but I'm too old now for that kind of life. Now I'm too unfit for a life full of adrenaline and excitement. That's gone. Forever.

I know there's a better, faster, more meaningful life out there if only I had the guts to start out by taking the first step on that long road. It's my lack of guts that makes me angry.

Because, if nothing else, the news of the last week or so proves that Life is too valuable to waste. Too fragile to risk.

We have one life - an average of 70 years. Isn't it just criminal to see it passing us by, being wasted every day, doing things we don't want to do?

One day, soon, I'll get my old guts back. And start to control my life. Before it also leaves me in it's wake as it passes me by.

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