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Home > Blogs > Frustrated Businessman > Posted in February 2007 Frustrated BusinessmanPosted in February 2007Daily adventures in my world full of adversity, failure,bad luck and debt Time keeps slipping away, minute by minute each day
Source: knightrider45 Well, progress today has been detailed but excruiatingly slow. I'm still finetuning the retail web site, and looking at my spreadsheet now, I've got 81 sections almost ready. Last nights sleep was again interuppted and I was up again at 1.30 this morning, working on the computer, and went back to bed at 3.30 when I started to feel tired again. this, no doubt, is as a result of my not taking st Johns Wort for a few days. Fed up of having my sleep interuppted - especially when it makes me late getting up. But I sorted it this morning - I set my mobile alarm clock for 8.15 and I was up and ready for action (?) within 10 minutes. All I've done today is sit in front of the computer sorting the new web site out, playing records and CD's on the new record player I had for Christmas from the wife. Elvis and Red Sovine (fairly) high volume as background music. The big downside to today again was another 2 letters from the vultures asking for money. I've actually sorted them out today, filled in the new Direct Debit (AKA Scrounger Mandates) and sent them back. One thing I did notice from todays Sun - apparently vitamins can make you die early! Well, for those that don't know, as part of my self treatment I back up the St John's Wort with vitamins. Okay, so what do I have? To start of with there's one selenium tablet a day, which, in my case, is combiened with Vitamins A, C & E. I use this to help with my overpowering muscle fatigue on a day to day basis, but long term, it's supposed to protect against degenerative disorders & free radical damage such as Cancer. Then there's one Omega 3 tablet which, working alongside St John's Wort, helps my fight against depression. This also lowers blood pressure, and helps with ME, Bi-polar disorder (another form of depression) and Attention Deficit Disorder. And finally, one more Vitamin C tablet - everyone knows the benefits of this. So, thats a total of 5 tablets a day, just to keep my black moods in check. And I have been feeling better over the last 3 months I've been taking them. This costs me about a fiver a month. Compare that to just one prescription for anti-depressants and the extra cost on life insurance. You know what? I think I've got a bargain! I've only had two really bad episodes with my mood this year up to yet, so I know the tablets are working. Before I started my self treatment, the moods used to hit me suddenly and last for days, even weeks at a time. I've done psychology at school, and since, so I understand what happens, and how depression works. I still can't stop it happening though. And if £5 worth of vitamins a month control this without me having to drag myself out to the doctors, and saves me having to take tablets for a reportable illness that give me wicked sickness and side effects, I reckon I'm doing right. Mind you, the medical opinion will change over time again I suppose. I still have full page ads here advertising cigarettes with Doctors, who used to recommend them for clearing the chest of cattarh. Okay, onto getting tea ready for the Great Homecoming and then back onto the web site again. Paul To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink aboveTuesday 27th February - Search Engine Scandal & Slow, Slow Progress
Source: knightrider45 Well Gang, THAT Barclays cheque did clear today. Letty, you're right with what you said yesterday , thinking about it Because it was 5 working days, not 7 as I said, I just counted the weekend in! But it was still 7 days to clear though, but the Barclays opt out of "Five working days" was correct. That meant I had to go out again today. Got some cash out of Barclays in fakenham, then went to Natwest at the other end of the road and repaid the money I'd borrowed from the business account yesterday. The search engine scandal has progressed further today, on two counts. Firstly, because I gave up hope on gettiing a reply from Bravenet at 2pm so I've brought ANOTHER search engine script. Guess what happened then? You've got it - Bravenet replied to my email! We've been sending emails to each other since 6pm and I've - literally just- got the search engine code from them. 32 hours to be sorted - I'll never run my business this way. I've spent the rest of the day - after getting up late AGAIN at 9.15 this time - that's 10 hours sleep! I only normally have 4 or 5 - finetuning the retail web site for uploading until 2pm, when I went to Fakenham, fixing a leaking (correction - flooding) drain pipe outside the dining room window where I work because it was getting on my nerves, then did tea for everyone. I've had to speak to two of the vultures who rang up today as well asking for money. That really spoilt my day. One step away from the debt collectors knocking the door. Fed up of this, everyone wants my money, I never earn enough to pay all the vultures. And then some more of the web site until 8.30pm. I've just checked my emails, now having my last fag, and going to bed. Hopefully, I will be up early in the morning, as long as it's not 2 or 3 O'clock (again) And that's about it really today - except to say that I've finetuned 61 sections of the website over the last 2 days. It will be uploaded, and working, by this weekend. I'm determined. Oh, and one last quick thing. I've laid off the St Johns Wort tablets for a couple of days to give my system a break. Been feeling really strange and had heart palpitations over the last 3 or 4 days, I don't know whether it's these tablets or not. Watch this space........... To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink aboveMonday 26th February - Search Engine - Pants!
Source: knightrider45 I guess I had to pay for the good day yesterday somehow! I haven't made half as much progress today as I wanted to. All thanks to certain companies customer service departments! The day began with me getting up later than planned at 9.00 after eventually getting to sleep this morning at 1am. I don't know why, but I've gone back to my really tited mode today. Been so tired all day. Anyway, once I'd made some headway into re-joining humanity, I had to contunue the daily battle for money. I've paid a cheque into my barclays account on the 20th, and I thought it would have cleared by today. but it hadn't. I hate ringing my bank, but I had to this morning to chase the cheque. Barclays were having a busy day, I got connected straight away to their call cetre in India. Two questions for Barclays: Firstly, Why does it take 7 working days to clear a cheque, when years ago, it only used to be 4, and occasionally 3? And secondly, why do the Indian call centre staff keep pestering me to take out their home & contents insurance when I've refused, point blank to change for 6 or 7 months? Okay then, three questions. How many times do I have to say NO to just 1 member of staff before he gives up? I hate Indian call centres, and have purposefully in the past changed suppliers to avoid them. Looks like I'm going to be changing bank accounts soon as well. I've already dropped Orange, Tiscali, Tele2 and others I can't remember at the moment because of Indian call centres. That's one moan out of the way. I'm starting to upload my retail site on line, but before can do this, I need to put a search engine into it so customers can quickly find what they want. This has caused me loads of grief today, and it still isn't sorted out yet. There are certain free search engines I can use, but everytime someone searches a site using these, they get bombarded by loads of pop up windows and adverts. That's not going to happen to my customers. So I've paid for a professional search engine from Bravenet tools. When I went to get the code for my web site, I could oly get the code for their free engine! I've written an email to them and I'm waiting for a reply as we speak. Its only been 8 hours. All told, stinking after sales/customer service from two companies. Marvellous. Until tomorrow Paul To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink above The reason why we blog
Source: knightrider45 I'm a member of several groups over the net as a result of thisdepression that keeps knocking me flat and I thought this message I got earler suits everyone here. It's a discussion on how bloggings now recognised as therapy. This is a point I raised in one of my first blogs here, and I'm just pleased that this is one bit of advice I've followed. You don't have to be a member to read this other blog, but you do have to register if you want to post a reply (Just the same as IMM). This is good for blogging newbies in general. If, like me, you have depression as well, you'll find some of the other posts interesting and beneficial. Its from the Psychlinks support community, based in California. Read the blog here: http://forum.psychlinks.ca/showthread.php?t=6659
Until Tomorrow Paul To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink aboveSunday 25th February - Rain stops play!
Source: knightrider45 Thank you rain! Thanks to you I've been excused gardening duties today. Brilliant. So i've spent 14 hours today on the business, and hooray! the first part of my spreadsheet is finished. For those that don't know, what I'm doing is monitoring how effectively my message boards & advertising groups work (Yes, I know, YAWN!) Like everything else on the Internet, there are scams and I'm monitoring all these JUST to make sure that they do exactly what it says on the tin. And, on checking my spreadsheet now, out of 423 groups, found out that there's 15 that definately don't send their ads out, and I'm suspicious of another 7 at the moment. But in addition to that, there's a total of some 43 Failures! Anything legal is sold through these groups, called safelists. Ranging form home working opportunities, business, software, household, discount stores, and even psychic readings. Basically, its internet or email marketing. The whole point of setting up a message board is to collect members. If your message board is good, and the members are responsive, you can get people to pay money and upgrade their membership so that they can send their ads out every day, instead of just once weekly. Aim for 100 members each paying £10.00 monthly. Then aim for, say, ten different groups each with 100 paying members. Get my point? Easy, and professional, way of earning money from home. I TRY and test each group before I put them into my submitter, to make sure the script works OK, and that the group is ethical and legitimate. And thats how I discover the fraudsters. So, today, due to the onset of rain, I've just finished collating my results and updating the spreadsheet. I monitor each group for a week at a time, making notes and storing the emails they send out. I've done some advertising today using my submitter as well. And that's all I've done. for 12 ish hours. And I'm up to date. This leaves me clear to upload my retail web site this week and, hopefully have it working by Sunday! Lifes good when everything goes to plan. even the Teenage One has returned to the roost tonight, and I've seen middle daughter too. And I've done all this just because I wasn't working my "proper" job. No 12 hour shift today, I've lived life instead. Good, isn't it? And I didn't have to go out either. Wonderful. Until tomorrow Paul To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink aboveSaturday 24th February - Still on target!
Source: knightrider45 Well, no-ones more suprised than I am! A bit of a strange day all told, both the kids out all day as well The sons staying with his mates and left here at about 11.30 this morning, the daughters staying on an extended sleepover with her friends. Should have picked her up this afternoon, but she's staying over another night. So me and the wife have concentrated on getting the front room decorated. It's now 11pm and I finished it about an hour ago & cleaned up. Sooooooo pleased it's out of the way. Done. All I've got to do now in the front room is finish the job off next payday when we can afford to get the coving to finish the walls off with. We're using the coving as it will cover all the telephone and network wires on top of the walls! And that's about it really - 12 hours decorating, or thereabouts, no computer work to speak of really, and its made a welcome change for once. No advertising, no sales at all this week, just been too busy sorting out various problems. This new week will be better.
Until tomorrow Paul To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink above Fame & Fortune
Source: knightrider45 We've been Googled! And it seems like we're getting around the net by visitors talking about us in other places, other blogs and the like. If you get a few minutes, put "itsmymarket.com" into google and go through all the search results (there's only about 9 pages) and you'll see what I mean! My blog - this one- has been mentioned a couple of times and the "Frustrated Businessman" blog is actually listed in the search results. Wow! Today, IMM.com, tomorrow, the world.(Hope it brings money in though!) Until tomorrow Paul To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink aboveFriday 23 February - All change at t'mill
Source: knightrider45 Well, the highlight of today has to be the meeting at work. There are some fairly major changes taking place from the 1st June (or thereabouts) and I'd been on tenterhooks for ages waiting for the meeting. My biggest issue with any changes in working practices is that everyone involved wants me to work days. I don't. I have no problem working days personally, but I do have a problem in that my life comes to a complete stop when I work 12 hour days - which mean I'm out of the house 14 hours. If I only worked at this job, then went home, there'd be no problem. But what work doesn't know, or realise, (not that there's any reason for them to) is that I run a fairly intensive new business which demands as much time as I can give it. My financial state dictates my business is my way forward - this is the only way I can earn enough to pay all my bills. And that's not forgetting that I'd readily walk out of my job tomorrow without a single regret. Ever. Anyway, the meeting started at 2pm, I and one of my workmates went in, followed by my other 2 workmates after we'd had the first session. All Change! Our working hours are now spread over three weeks instead of two, which means I have to work an extra 4 - 7 shifts monthly (I've lost my weeks off in other words). Our weekly hours have gone up to 48 instead of 45, our basic wage has just gone over £20k with the additional hours. We're now going to be working a basic 5 0n/2 off, followed by 7 on/4 off. Working days was a fairly big issue in the meeting but my company have said that, providing I work a couple of days a month "to keep my hand in" they're happy for me to work the rest of the month on night shifts. Working nights is the important issue with me, so I can do the odd 2 or 3 hours for the business in the day. As well as that, I don't have to get up at 4.30am every morning either! So, time will tell. The managers we saw today are all brand new, all of them under 2 months old with my company. I'm Ok with today's decision, but it has to be seen as to whether they stand by what they have said today. If it does, I'm fine. If not, I'll be leaving. Simple as that. Problem is though, things like this have been said before, then forgotten about. Time will tell. I just wish I had the guts to remortgage the house to release enough money to pay all the bills for 12 months, then I'd leave the job tomorrow and work full time on the business. No more rules.Be free to make money instead of just earning a living. Until tomorrow Paul
To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink above Thursday 22 February - Getting better slowly
Source: knightrider45 Thanks again for your comments yesterday guys. Current Affairs Blog added another comment today about alternative therapies - I dont know about the exact therapy you suggested But any physical excercise is good. Now I'm not a fitness fan, at all, but I have had a day away from the computer today and done decorating instead, coming on line about half hour ago. The best thing about today is that I'm starting to catch up, although it's still very slow. I've finished the ceiling tiles late last night, they've been painted today, twice, and I've papered half the lounge. So you're right Current Affairs, my alternative therapy is to turn off the computer and go and do something else instead. (Does any one else out there remember the Why Don't You? TV programme from the 70's?) Yesterday just threw so much crap at me over 6 hours that I went into Mental Meltdown. That's the time I can't see my way out. And it happens quite often in my case unfortunately. And I still haven't sorted out the post. had another 2 letters today, I just can't face opening them at the moment. Maybe tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow's the day I work on keeping the wolves from the door again. Anyway, the boilers repaired. It ended up being a faulty diversion valve somewhere in the boilers innards.Sorted. Now we're thinking that that was the reason why we got through three months oil in 6 weeks and a day! The only side effect following on from yesterday, besides my headache, which is still there, is that my strictures swollen up a bit. I could feel every mouthful of my tea forcing it's way past the blockage, so I ended up throwing half of it away. My meeting tomorrow at work has been put back to two O'clock so I'll be working on the business tomorrow until about 1pm, then I'll get ready to go into work for the meeting. I'll let you know what happens tomorrow. I'm aiming now on finishing the decorating Saturday, and working on the garden on Sunday only in order to catch up. Monday, and the rest of next week, I'm busy loading the retail site up on line. That's the plan anyway. Until tomorrow Paul
To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink above Eight hours later
Source: knightrider45 Thanks for the kind comments gang. Letty, Dewdrop14800 and Helee, please be assured your kind words are welcome. Its now just after Midnight and I'm going to turn in. I've finished the tiling - at last - the wife brought another pack of tiles back when she picked our son up from work - so Thats finished. I've checked my speadsheet - I only lost todays work, thank God, so that's now been redone. The house is now freezing cold, but my mood has tempered slightly. The headaches almost gone, and after taking another couple of tablets, hopefully I'll sleep the rest of it off. I know, deep down, that the comments I got tonight are right. It's just that, no matter how I plan to get things done, or how long I have off on holiday from work to do it, something like this always happens without fail. This really is a critical part of my life and everything keeps going wrong. My run of bad luck seems to be constant and never ending. I can't remember how many things I've written about since I started this blog, but there's loads; every one of which is true, every one of which serves only to hammer me further down into the hole I'm in. Sorry if I've been a bit of a misery a*se, it's just the way it gets me sometimes, and there's no point in blogging if the blog isn't true to how I feel, or what happens. Don't get me wrong, I wake up every day thankful for my life, my health and my family. And now, thankful as well for my new blogger friends. Thanks Millions Guys Paul To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink above Wednesday 21st February - 1 day, too many problems
Source: knightrider45 I just couldn't make up my life. At all. Just one short day, loads of problems. Am I the only man alive who has such long runs of bad luck? Okay then, here we go First off, the oil delivery arrived first thing this morning, which was great, because we have to give the tank a couple of hours to settle back down once an empty tank is filled, otherwise the sediment is dragged through the pipes, blocking the bolier. Fine. I went to fire the boiler up at about 10.30 and the thing was dead. Couldn't get it to do anything. Had to call the heating engineer out. Heating engineer has just left. He got the boiler to fire up, but it blew the fuse for the plugs on our main circuit board. Twice. That crashed the computer, which had my spreadsheet live as I was working on it, and have been for the last 3 days, on and off, collating all the ads from my message boards. At best I've lost todays work - and I was up and on the computer at 6.30 this morning after waking up with another one of my headaches. At worst, I've lost the whole thing. I haven't checked it yet- I'm too frightened to. I had to wait in for the postman today as my wife was expecting a package, and after he'd been, I went to Focus at Fakenham to get the rest of the ceiling tiles I need. I'm still short and have run out for the FOURTH time. I am now two days behind with the decorating. In addition to all that, I had 5 letters from the postman, each one demanding money - I haven't opened them yet, because I know what they are, and all together, these are demands for about £2,700. The bank account is empty. Its now 4.30 and I've still got my headache. It just won't shift. The boiler is still broken as it blows the circuit when it's switched on. So, the house is still cold. the boiler company are sending their own engineer around tomorrow.hopefully, it will be fixed then. I've really had enough today. So peed off. I'm now at mental stalemate and I cannot, at the moment, see my way forward. After writing this, I'm turning the computer off and forgetting everything for a few hours. My heart is racing, my head (and heart) is aching. So, OK then, can anyone explain why I shouldn't feel such a failure? Until tomorrow Paul
To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink above Tuesday 20th February- Trouble at 'Mill
Source: knightrider45 Now there's major changes taking place at work and I've been called in on Friday to have the changes explained to me. We're just hoping that this Friday meeting will be an initial discussion But time will tell. I'm not overly concerned as I think most regular readers know how I feel about the job I do.The meetings nothing overly bad, just different working practices but there's a good chance, at the moment, I could lose my nightshifts. If I'm forced to work days, my life comes to a complete stop. Anyway, I'm on leave. Enough of work. decorating today, again, and I've run out of those dammed ceiling tiles - again. This is rapidly tuirning into daylight robbery! At least in the old days robbers wore masks to do the robbing, not a Focus DIY pinny! Just done some advertising using my submitters, so hopefully I'll get a couple of sales tonight. I'm analysing the groups at the moment and seeing which ones are performing so I can, hopefully, drop the dead/hopeless ones and save some money on the business side. I started doing this at about 8.30am yesterday, putting the results into a speadsheet and I finished, eventually at about half one this morning. I reckon I cleared, analysed and monitored about 9,000 emails (really!) yesterday, which was about 2 or 3 days worth. If I find groups that are not sending out the ads (and I've found 4 upto yet) I'm just dropping them. Less work, less money. Good. I need to make savings everywhere at the moment. So, that and the decorating will take until Saturday, although I've lost a day virtually being called into work. That's a day I'm being forced out of the house again. That will be the first day this week since Sunday. I hate going out. Even less so just for work. I start the gardening on Saturday or Sunday, and from Monday, all I'm doing is loading the retail web site up. I want/need it on line for mothers day to start dragging sales in. Just a shame then, that my job has again interfered with my life. Until tomorrow Paul To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink above19th February update -Oil Ordered
Source: knightrider45 You know, sometimes, I just can't do right for wrong. Well, I had to ring the wife at work about something. As part of the conversation she asked "Have you sorted the oil out yet?" When I said no, I thought we were paying the mortgage she said "Oh, just please yourself" and slammed the phone down. Fine. Now I'm really peed off. Oil's ordered, will be here Wednesday. Mortgage not paid, now almost 2 months in arrears. Ah well, at least the house will be warm though. Paul To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink above Sunday 18th February - 2 new sales
Source: knightrider45 It's only a few quid again, but every penny helps at the moment - I've got my server bill due later this week from America. Thanks Melee for your comment on Saturdays post about the oil I've never even thought of using eBay to look for oil fillups. I think we've decided to struggle through without oil until I get paid and pay the mortgage - and I'll cerainly be testing out eBay then. Wow, what an idea! I'd never have thought it! Simon, thanks your earlier comment on my Robbie Williams post too - I'm sorry you feel the way I do sometimes. Life sucks sometimes! We will talk one day instead of just blogging Its Monday morning as I write this, as I got in from work at 7pm last night after the 12 hour overtime dayshift and basically just had something to eat and chilled out until bedtime, which was early yesterday as I was up at 4am that morning. Although I did check the emails and found the two new sales, which was a bonus. I'm working flat out today as I've got millions of things to do. I think today will be the only day I'll have for working at the business as I'll be decorating from tomorrow, I was going to start it today, but I thought I'd do this bit of work first and squeeze a couple of hours out of the day for the rest of this week if I can. The house is now very cold and we've got the heater set up in the front room, and I'm in the dining room/kitchen writing this with the oven on to warm this part up a little bit! And to think I grew up like this, with just the one coal fire in the front room, and no heating anywhere else in the house. Ha! The kids are definately having an history lesson for the next couple of weeks. Until tomorrow Paul To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink above Saturday 16th February - Just can't help believing
Source: knightrider45 I was looking forward to my holiday, but again, things have gone wrong. Regular readers will know that at the beginning of January I had problems with the heating oil running out. No prizes for guessing what’s happened today then. The heating oil ran out at 6am this morning. Again.
Now, the 500 litres I ordered in January should have lasted us a quarter and I was going to get some more on next months payday. But, today, exactly 6 weeks to the day after I had the last lot, the boiler cut out and the heating oils all gone. Again.
I’ve brought an electric heater down from the loft and we’ve got it running in the front room, and the rest of the house is freezing cold. So now, we’re running up the electric bill as well.
This resulted in a somewhat heated discussion in which I’ve been “advised” to stop spending money on the business as it’s not making returns yet and spend the £250 monthly on household bills instead.
Now, on the face of it, this appears logical. Short term solution. I can pack everything up tomorrow and walk away without owing anyone a penny. But, without hope of a better future at all, what’s the point? We’ll be in exactly, or a worse, situation this time next year, never mind 3 years time & so on.
With the business, I’ve got a chance to make it. Drag myself and my family out of this crappy life and debt we’ve ended up with. Give the business up, now, before it’s had time to stand up for itself, would mean that I’ll still be working loads of hours in a job I don’t want, ending up further and further in debt as each year passes, and with no way out. Ever.
The only way I can end this sheer misery at the moment – today – would be getting a job paying £50,000 per year. How many jobs do you know of paying that amount? I don’t know of any either – so, to me, the business is the only logical solution to get out of this situation. Or, to put it another way, IF I can find a job paying £50k, I’ll willingly pack the business in tomorrow.
It’s just not going to happen is it?
So, we have a choice. I’ve still got MOST of this months mortgage money. Now, do I pay the mortgage, and get by without heating oil for another three weeks, or do I get the heating oil, and just pay £300 on the mortgage instead of the £797.00 they want?
And get into even more arrears.
And yes, I’m angry. Somethings gone wrong somewhere. Why has 3 months heating oil been used in just 6 weeks? We already economise on the heating now, we never use it at night, only when someone’s here and awake. I think we’ve got a leak somewhere. But whatever, I can’t afford £200 for heating every 6 weeks.
Just can't help believing......how so many things go wrong in my life.
Until tomorrow, Paul Eliminating Failure” To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink aboveThursday15th February - 1 new customer cancellation
Source: knightrider45 Ha! I thought I was on the up, but once again, a new customer joined, got access to his members area, downloaded all the marketing software he wanted, then cancelled his membership. This is one aspect of the business I can't control - at least I won't have this problem with the retail site when it gets going. Can't wait. I'm on 2 weeks leave when I finish at 7am Saturday morning - well, apart working a 12 hour day shift on Sunday on overtime that is (need the money you see!). Although I'll be working through the 2 weeks leave, for the business, and a list of additional tasks sorted out for me by my wife (The Wise One) I'm really looking forward to it. No more night shifts for a fortnight. No more working a job for a couple of weeks. And, you know what, I'm trying to stay in as much as I can over those two weeks as well. I'm fed up of always being out, hopefully, for most of the next two weeks, I'll be able to stay in. Anyway, apart from losing the new customer, there's not a lot to say really.Just got in after finishing the nightshift, now going to bed , up again at 1.30 to start my new day with a bit of advertising and sorting emails out, then get ready for my last nightshift this time around. A decent rest is on it's way! FREEDOM! Well, apart from starting to cut the grass every Sunday again - I think, by the end of this month, I will be advised by the Wise One to restart this weekend activity again. If only I could get enough cash together to gravel all the grass - I have previously suggested tarmacing the whole lot and whitelining it for car parking spaces. The Wise One's stare persuaded me otherwise............. Until tomorrow Paul To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink aboveRobbie Williams - My Kindred spirit
Source: knightrider45 Love him or hate him, Robbie Williams has got problems. Despite his wealth, neither he nor his doctors can beat or stop the depression from affecting him. Robbie refers to it as his demons. I've just read an article in the EDP about Robbies interview with Stephen Fry in a BBC documentary last year. Stephen Fry is another well known depressive. Frightening thing you know, reading about Robbie Williams and recognising myself. We are kindred spirits through this depression. Robbie said that his depression “manifested itself and stopped me going out. I'd lost the cog to socialise.” - I remember writing this about me on my very first blog here. I still hate going out now, and I absolutely loathe the telephone. And I've felt this way for years. Then The Sun gets in on the act, stating that Robbie has 36 Espressos and 20 Red Bulls every day. Well, I can symphasise with that as well, because one of the other symptons of this stupid curse is the overpowering tiredness. I have complained many times about the tiredness here too. I don't drink the espressos though - strong coffee upsets my stoach ulcer something wicked, and I can't drink Red Bull either because of the other side effects.(Don't ask) I use Proplus tablets, 100% Caffeine, with weak coffee. Lots of them. That's my way around it. My other main symptoms are a constantly foggy mind, everything takes so long to do, I'm seriously impatient, hate my order & routine being upset & disturbed, and my nerves are shot through. When something happens that just startles you - I'm on the ceiling, sweating like crazy with my heart really beating fast. And as for the insomnia, well, although I'm always tired I can't sleep on my days off - often I'm checking emails or walking around the back garden at 3 or 4 O'clock in the mornings. Robbie is also a manic depressive - this is not as frightening as it sounds - a manic depressive basically has very long, depressed periods with the occasional good/high period. Both of these moods are extreme opposites of the other and they can change quickly over minutes, hours or days. There is no pattern or warning. Robbie has two advantages over me - he can afford proper, private treatment and is taking proper anti depressant medicines. There's no way I can afford that treatment, and I'm not taking any prescribed medication either because it is kept on medical records which have to be declared to life Insurance companies. The last time I did this, and the reason I don't have life insurance at the moment, is because the premiums almost doubled, that was ages after I'd finished that treatment and told the company I didn't have a recurrence. But I do really - I just don't go to the doctors anymore. I self treat with St John's Wort which helps keep the back moods in check, and the doctors records clear. I still feel the same, but I'm just not as bothered, and the moods, although they're still there, normally just aren't as bad. Somehow. Which is just as well really, for two reasons. Last time I was on prescribed tablets I had to take a carrier bag every where with me because the feeling of sickness was terrible. Didn't eat for days. And Secondly, I don't particularily want to end up like my mother did, on tablets for 40 ish years to control the moods. And when I can afford to re-instate the life insurance - the premiums won't be that bad either. I wouldn't wish this curse on anyone.But, with Robbie Williams in the press, it's just nice to know that it's not just me either.The only difference is Robbies getting paid millions and doesn't have to work. I go to work every day to go further into debt. I was going to say welcome to my world Robbie, but although we've both got the Curse until the day we die, our worlds are still totally different. Until tomorrow Paul To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink aboveFebruary 14th-Valentines Day
Source: knightrider45 Well, here it is then, Valentines Day. Finished work at 7am, got home at 8 after stopping off at Tesco Petrol station in Gaywood and buying a card and a couple of bunches of flowers. Gave them to my wife and as she opened the card, she found the gift voucher for Emma Schofields psychic reading as a Valentines Day present! KLFM's Sixth Sense is coming to our house - or our telephone at least - and my wifes got her own private show! Emmas reading isn't going to happen for about another 4 weeks or so, but I'll write in and tell you what happened. Hows that for a different Valentines Day present then? Nothing else to report today really, got up at 1.30pm, still so tired, worked on the computer after a couple of fags and cups of tea (my breakfast!) until 3.30pm, got ready for work then done the tea and left the house at 6.15pm. Another Valentines Day when were both working different shifts- again. No sales today, no advertising - ran out of time - again - badly - but I have managed to talk to my bank and clear about a months worth of emails this afternoon so, apart from the post, which I still have a problem with opening, I'm fairly up to date on the day to day stuff. Until tomorrow Paul “Eliminating Failure” To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink aboveTuesday 13th February - 2 New sales & the Flu's back!
Source: knightrider45 I'm getting more focused gradually on getting this little, part time business (that needs full time hours - and 2 staff) into at least breakeven mode as quick as I can. This has to be my primary objective in improvng the finance situation. And it was a nice suprise after getting up at 1.30pm today to find the two sales - one of which is a regular subscription, the other a totally new, one off order. This is the frustrating part - I know the business works, and I can see it's potentiaal - but I can't devote the time to it that it needs. Still, keep struggling on I suppose - I will break it's back. Soon. All I want to do is balance my books. Simple as that. wages these days do not keep up with all the household expenses. A business has to be the way forward. Either that, or face a life of constant shortage & struggle. I owe my wife loads more than that. I've said all this before. Maybe I'm giving myself a pep talk? I don't know. Sometimes I dream of a job that pays enough wages to pay all the bills, working 38 hours a week and having plenty of free time to do what I want. Not working - literally - at either my job or the busines for 19 hours a day, 7 days a week. And still not being able to pay all the bills. Anyway, enough of business. Home life is steady, but the wife and son think they're both coming down with that flu again - I really hope they aren't. And, more to the point, I hope I don't catch it. I can't afford time off work. My vitamin supplements worked last time and I really hope they'll keep me flu free this time around too. Admittedly I've woken up with a headache, again, and I'm tired still. Time to do the tea for every one, and then go to work again. another day over. Until tomorrow Paul "Eliminating Failure" To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink above Monday 12 February - Finance & Feng Shui
Source: knightrider45 Well, time to get ready for the nightshift again. I haven't sorted out the post, nor the bank,partly because I overslept this morning and didn't get up until 9am, and secondly through being busy. Time has just gone today - again. I read a report late last week about feng shui. Now, I dont know if this works or not, but did you know, in respect of finance, the front door area of your house has to be maintained in good condition as it is the way money enters your house, and the area has to be well maintained, pleasant and attractive to actually attract money into your house? If you can see through your house from the front door, this is very bad as money comes in the front door and rushes straight out the back door (I'm going to build me a 6ft wide, reinforced concrete wall in between the two doors if that's the case then). Apparently, if this is the case, you're supposed to break up the throughfare with a table and a vase of flowers or something, anything to stop the outward flow of money to the back door. And the final thing I remember about this is that we should always have the toilet seat & cover down, because this is another way money can escape, and the longer we leave the seat up chaps, the more money we lose. Ummm........ And getting back to my real world, times pushing on again. I've done a little bit of advertising, no sales at all from yesterdays campaign (and yes, I'm suprised). I'm now going to ring the bank to stop a couple of Direct Debits (Vulture meals), get tea ready for everyone, then go to work. Another day over then. Until tomorrow, Paul "Eliminating Failure" To comment on, or report this post follow the permalink above |
