Posted in December 2009

Christmas Eve Suicide

Source:
Friday 25th December 2009, 8:12pm

Why?

Hello Keith, it's Paul writing to you.

Oh, I know you can't read this message, but I'm going to write it anyway. I just wasn't to know that the last time I saw you when you came to see us with your wife that it would be the very last time ever.

A great shame Keith, because you are a really nice man to know. It's been my priviledge to know you. And I know, that, after working all your life and being really active, the blindness in one eye came as a shock to you. Then there was the recently diagnosed glaucoma in the the second eye a few months ago, when they told you that you were going blind.

I know it's bad. And I appreciate, now, just how lonely you must have felt. I also wouldn't like to go blind.

But was it really that bad that you had to hang yourself from your loft? And why did you do it on Christmas Eve? Was it really that bad that you couldn't give your family just one more complete Christmas? Your wife must have gone through Hell yesterday when she found you after coming back from work.

What a Christmas you've given us.

See, Keith, what you didn't realise is the sheer number of lives you've been part of. And every single one of those people have had their Christmas ruined. Why so selfish Keith? WHY did you commit suicide on Christmas Eve? Was it really as an act of revenge on the life that had let you down so badly? why take it out on the rest of us?

I guess there's two sides to the story, and I don't know what's been going on apart from the blindness, maybe there was something else happening that I don't know about? But we'll never know now, will we Keith?

And, at the moment, I'm having severe problems matching the Keith I knew a few months ago to the image in my mind of the Keith who hanged himself from his loft.

Sorry Keith, I'm just one of the people who's been affected by this news.You should never, ever give up, no matter how bad things get.

Paul

Permalink

Christmas, A Time The Universe Celebrates You

Source:
Thursday 24th December 2009, 7:45pm

A special motivational & moving message for all my readers. thanks for being with me.

If it's not yet obvious to you, the real reason for this, and all seasons, is you, a more perfect child of the Universe has never lived. Until now, only celebrations cloaked in myth and mystery could hint at your divine heritage and sacred destiny.

You are life's prayer of becoming and its answer. The first light at the dawn of eternity, drawn from the ether, so that the universe might know it's own depth, discover new heights, and revel in seas of blessed emotion.

A pioneer into illusion, an adventurer into the unknown, and a lifter of veils. Courageous, heroic, and exalted by legions in the unseen.

To give beyond reason, to care beyond hope, to love without limit; to reach, stretch, and dream, in spite of your fears. These are the hallmarks of divinity - traits of the immortal - your badges of honour. May you wear them with a pride as great as the immeasurable pride we feel for you.

Your light has illuminated darkened paths, your gaze has lifted broken spirits, and already your life has changed the course of history.

This is the time of year the universe celebrates YOU.

Bowing before Greatness,

The Universe

Permalink

Merry Christmas To All My Readers

Source:
Tuesday 22nd December 2009, 9:41pm

Just in case I don't post again inbetween now and Christmas, can I take this opportunity to say thanks to all my regular readers and twitter followers.

Just in case I don't post again inbetween now and Christmas, can I take this opportunity to say thanks to all my regular readers and twitter followers.

Irrespective of whether you've joined me through my business blog, or one of my personal diary blogs, thanks for being with me. Your support means so much to me, your comments are always welcome and I've learned lots of new things from some of my 7,000 readers this year, which is the reading from my page counter on some of my blogs.

Thank you.

It's been a difficult year, yet it's been one of the most exhilerating for me as well. Although my marriage may be in tatters, I have successfully fought two redundancies notices and kept my job; I have taken the baliffs to court and won that case, and I have successfully battled against the mortgage company's repossession order and kept my house.

I am now almost at the end of my first year of my three year self imposed self improvement programme; and although I have not yet achieved my main goal of earning £30,000 per year by the end of 2009; I'm only around £4,000 short, which equates to a daily shortfall of £11.30. That, I guess, is not bad from a job that only pays £17,000 basic.

But this year has been full of small achievements for me on my way up as well. I now have 7 books published and being sold worldwide through Amazon and other similar online places. Royalty payments are now starting to come through my Paypal account, and although they are really small and insignificant, every penny counts, and it's a good start to my recurring income business where I get paid for ever for work I do once.

Over the next week or so I'm going to concentrate on writing out my goals for next year, and as a basis for this, I'm using the guidelines again from my Debt Free Lifestyle book to help increase the recurring income and reduce all the debts. I will continue using the same power of Focus that I have this year, as readers of my wordpress and blogger.com blogs will notice from my daily income table updates.

My first membership site is now on line ready for the new year selling Private Label Right products which I can't advertise on my itsmymarket.com blog, but for other readers you can check it out here.

Next years going to be difficult, again, but it's also going to be great as well.

Thank you readers, no matter whether you're reading my blog on wordpress.com. blogger.com., or itsmymarket.com. You are my witnesses to my struggle. And I hope that, by continually writing like this, I help others as I help myself. Because if I can do it, so can anyone else.

Stay with me, dear reader, and I'll show you that you can do it as well.

Permalink

Christmas - Call To Action For Debtors

Source:
Saturday 12th December 2009, 6:27am

Welcome to the world of the working poor. Unfortunately, for many in our world, this time of year holds no special meaning, no promise of good things to come.

For me, Christmas is always a time to reflect on the many blessings I enjoy, including my Christian faith, friends and family, fairly good health, a steady job, a car, warm clothes, enough to eat and a roof over my family’s head. But with the blessings, comes heartache and a constant, daily struggle to make ends meet.

Welcome to the world of the working poor. Unfortunately, for many in our world, this time of year holds no special meaning, no promise of good things to come. Instead, the onset of winter is accompanied by fear and anxiety over what might happen next. This is the world of the working poor, the people with jobs who put in 40, 50,even 80 or more hours per week, yet still can’t make ends meet.

They have no reason to look forward to this wonderful season. For them, winter only means high energy bills, cold dwellings, transport problems, insufficient clothing, inadequate footwear, cold and flu season, hunger and a host of other problems.

Often working seven days per week, the working poor discover that no matter how hard they work, they could never save enough to buy a car or move into an house of their own, trapped in an endless, unforgiving cycle of poverty and costant daily or weekly battles to pay the bills.

We need to break this cycle. Every single member of the working poor needs to invest in their own future as well as struggling to live for today. Easier said than done, my practical experience proves this. But I’m slowly breaking through the net, a bit at a time.

I’m concentrating on my future, which is something I should have done when I was eighteen. And this is how it works:

Earn as much extra money as you, take that extra (or even two extra) jobs. Out of the extra money you earn, put 85% of it to your bills, aim to get debt free as soon as you can. Invest the remaining 15% on your future - get an education, get a few web sites on line, look for streams of residue or recurring income that come in month after month for work that you’ve only done once. Publish books, start a self help group, help and serve other people.

Einstein said that the purpose of life was “To serve other people, there is no other purpose”. Build your part time business around helping others - they pay gladly if you can help them to solve their problems. And the best way to do this is start your web site, or publish your book, working once, and that one time work will pay you for the rest of your life.

Start snowballing your debts. Pay the 85% extra income onto your smallest bill every month. When that bills cleared, pay the bill’s monthly payment and the extra 85% income onto the next smallest bill in addition to your regular repayment every month until that bill’s cleared as well.

Then carry on like this, creating your own financial snowball which starts slowly, then gathers momentum more and more until it becomes unstoppable. Get debt free as soon as you can.

No one has the right to take your money off you (except Governments of course). Spend as little as you can, save and invest as much as you can, as quickly as you can. Manage your money, and your bank accounts, on a daily basis. Cut out all uneccessay expenditure, take packed lunches to work, make your own drinks, stop buying from food stores and vending machines. Snowball your savings, banking every week.

You’ll break the cycle you’re in within two years. Aim to be debt free in five. Hold onto as much of your money as you can. Stop Spending.Invest in building your own future.

No one has the automatic right to your money. You have to give others that right by spending. Don’t. Do as you do today and yesterday, you’ll stay exactly as you are now. Do something different and your life will change.

Christmas is your call to action. And it starts now, today.

Permalink

Just Another Day

Source:
Saturday 12th December 2009, 6:10am

My son came around tonight just before I left for work. I strongly suspect that, as I'll be on nightshift when he leaves for Spain very early on the 19th, that this was the last time I'll see him before he goes,

My son came around tonight just before I left for work. I strongly suspect that, as I'll be on nightshift when he leaves for Spain very early on the 19th, that this was the last time I'll see him before he goes, and then it was only 20 minutes or so.

Found out that the initial 6 months stay over there may not be that now - when I asked him about it, he said he wasn't sure when he'd be back. Maybe he's going to Spain for ever now. Hopefully he'll pop back and see us occasionally if that is the case.

This Empty Nest thing is awful. I'm not the first to go through it, of course, and having "met" a fellow empty nester on Twitter tonight it's just nice to know that I'm not alone. How's the wife feel about it? I don't know, she hasn't said anything to me about it. As Normal. So, maybe in my house, I am on my own.

Payday today, so didn't get to bed until 10am after last night's shift. Had to get diesel from Tesco (remember the Brucie Bonus - points make vouchers!) then had to go to the post office to post some eBay orders out. I hit the queue at just before nine and didn't get out until almost half nine. got up at three after being woken up twice by a paint lining lorry that ran out of paint just outside my house - twice!

Carrying on carrying on.

Permalink

In Memory Of Christmas Past

Source:
Friday 11th December 2009, 6:26am

As well as things not being quite right, somehow, between me and the wife, we are having our first empty nest Christmas this year. I have elected to work all over Christmas this year on nights

As well as things not being quite right, somehow, between me and the wife, we are having our first empty nest Christmas this year. I have elected to work all over Christmas this year on nights as the shifts were going begging, and, in my financial position, I cannot turn down extra money from overtime. But it's not just the money, this time, somehow, I think I'm going to be better off at work than at home.

Even if I am on my own.

I lament over our past Christmases like crazy. The Family Christmases. Normally, by now, we'd be inundated with Christmas lists from the kids, arguments over putting up the Christmas tree and the decorations, followed more often than not by a major investigation into who'd pinched all the chocolates off the tree.

The house would be full of excitement and happiness with the occasional squabble over something. The house would be full of lights, mutilcoloured shadows dancing and glittering in the darkness. I remember watching my baby daughter's Christmas play at school with a lump in my throat, and "Winter Wonderland" has since that day remained one of my favourite Christmas songs.

I remember the one particular year when I had to carry a full grown Christmas tree through Kings Lynn town centre to put it in the car - somehow - ready for bringing home. The car was full of needles for the rest of the year.

I remember getting the kids in a pose for our first Christmas together for a photo with them all holding a candle each in front of the Christmas tree. A small, no doubt insignificant thing for the kids, but it was a major thing for me, and I shall always treasure that moment. Forever.

I remember going Christmas shopping in the freezing cold with my family with me. We have never had much money, but we got by. We had a close family, and that's what mattered. Christmas shopping always ended with a trip to the local MacDonalds to finish off.

It's the best thing I've done with my life - be a parent.

The excitement, the kid's anticipation and wonderment, the noise, arguments and squabbles has now all gone. And I miss it so much. The family has reached the end of an era.

The kids have now all flown the nest and making their own lives. Hopefully the two biggest daughters will find time to share a bit of their Christmas with us. The son is moving out to Spain on December 19th with his mate. I am insanely jealous of this. The way my son is with his mate should be how we should be together - like we once were, we were so close and I see his friend as having stolen my son away from me, this is even more so considering his mate is the same age as me. The baby daughter is going to Spain with her brother on the 19th, and not coming back home until the 26th.

So it's just me and the wife, who, I think, now tolerates me as a necessary part of her life. There has been no closeness now between us for almost 3 years, just long periods of silence when we are in the same room together. This situation has also partly transferred to my son who has always - and rightly - been close to his mom - and she has no doubt been talking to my son about what she sees as my inadequacies, so my son now rarely talks to me. He still hasn't told me he' s moving to Spain yet.

I'm hanging onto the family relationship now by my finger nails I think. There is no respect left for me anymore, just tolerance.

Anyway, the plan this year is that we're going across to the neighbours for Christmas dinner, and, forgive me, rather than spend hours and hours in someone else's house making polite conversation (the neighbour is a friend, although he's now tainted by the wife as well), I'd just rather be at work.

And that's what I'm doing.

Permalink